Monthly Archives: April 2010

So You Want Your Children to Live for God!!

So You Want Your Children to Live For God!!

Bryan Ballestero with Huntley

When my children were born my main concern for their life was for them to serve the Lord. I learned to pray much about each one as they grew. When they were babies and started clapping their hands and they would raise their hands and pray for us it was thrilling. We had each one dedicated and made a ceremony of it. There was comfort in that for sure. We had prayer over us that God would help us raise our children in the fear of the Lord.

I found as they grew that from a baby on that babies copy what they see, and what they hear. We were blessed to have wonderful leaders and parents that honored and loved God. The Church was a wonderful place to be. It was a blessing and they not only helped teach us, but if you were someone that needed some guidance and wanted guidance it was there for you too. Some folks refuse to ask for any help or even ideas on how to do a better job. Sad because usually those that refuse help or advice need it the worse. Many times they were raised without tenderness, or they are full of bitterness and anger, and yet they are good people that part of them needs help.

Me with our first son Anthony!

First of all I found out to have good communication with your children is the best way to keep trouble at a minimum. I did not like it when children lied and Every Child has lied and tried to cover up when they were wrong. When I was a child I spoke as a child , but when I got older I put away childish things. Well hopefully you put away childish things, but some of the most severe, harsh parents make it hard on their children to grow up right because they are as much of a child emotionally as their kids are.

If you have to unmercifully whip your child what did it accomplish? My mom taught me to never be cruel because your child can never ward of your blows. If you wound your child mentally by harsh words that are making scars you are damaging their self worth, what good effect will that have?

Marty with oldest son Jeron

If their memories of home are grim, tension and harshness most of the time then they will be glad to get away.

Every home has heartaches come, disappointments, trials are going to come. The way we parents handle the hardships of life makes a huge difference in the faith of our children. Church and family life was such a stablelizing factor in my life. We did not have the gadgets, and big expensive toys as children. We had enough of what there was to have I never felt deprived, but I enjoyed the fellowship of good family, my friends past mom and dad’s approval and those times of having fun with friends meant so much. If something was planned in the youth group and I was old enough I was a part of it. I learned how to act and not act by being a part and I never was kept from church functions. Back then if I did make a mistake I was talked to and treated more like I was growing up and learning that all is part of learning and beginning of the feeling of being trusted.

The church was the center of our lives. We never went home with unbelievers for the night because we may learn to like what we got to do there better than church.  My parents might allow me to do school Spanish club or band or be on the national honor society, or study at our home with a friend from school or play outside, but to take a trip for days or stay away from home with unbelievers was not allowed. They taught me that it was too risky and I had many good relatives and friends that knew the Lord and would support me doing what would be pleasing to God and my parents.

Anthony and Carlton his oldest son.

I remember having many nice school friends that came to church or my house,  and sometimes I might go to theirs if mom knew them for a while. But I had such a good time with church family, and the few nice school friends and my own family that I felt more comfortable following the family style I had of church, school, socializing with young people that my parents approved of and they all did not have a church background, but we were taught to live so there would be a chance to win our good friends that did not know Jesus.

School is very important and I am thrilled when I see kids that do well with their education. On the other hand there are some perfectly wonderful, smart kids that do well in some subjects and have trouble with others. That was me

I sometimes didn’t want to miss school, but when tough subjects and projects were to be done I have been full of anxiety. I thought I might like to find a way out of school. My mom was my buffer, I felt like I could tell her and she would help me or something she would say would just give me the courage to calm inside and get it done and have peace enough in my mind not to hate school. It might be average or slightly above failing but hey at least I passed it. When I got in 8th grade I got better grades and felt more at ease. Then ninth grade I got better and got on the honor roll and my confidence grew. Even worked a little harder in tenth grade on subjects I disliked.  And I stayed on the honor roll most the the time through graduation.

Daddy and Bryan

Some parents continually are driving and harsh over school. Somehow that plays into other areas of our lives and even in our ability to make it a drudgery to go to church. I am not pleased in kids that feel free to be disruptive in church services or functions of school and church. I know that sometimes children do act up in church, school restaurants, etc. We don’t like it, but he without sin cast the first stone. It seems best to just deal with it  and don’t go over board .

I grew up in the church and I learned how to act and did not suffer horribly learning. My parents never took away church functions as punishment. They never grounded me or kept me away from church functions. I have seen this happen and watched the kids that were corrected in that way begin to quietly turn cold towards church and church friends and they became hardened towards the things of God.

We were corrected when it was needed and admonished, but never left with the feeling like we were hopeless or that we had done too much to be a part or to be loved. We need to train and correct and leave a feeling of hope for better actions that make things work better for not just us parents but the loved ones we want to do well. I cringe when I hear name-calling from parents and severe treatment that only seems to be a venting of anger instead of a consistent training of good living.

Marisa our daughter with first son Garrison

If you worship and are tender and respectful towards God and man more than likely your offspring will have the same desires to please God. There are always exceptions, but more than not I see Parents that love the things of God and enjoy the church family the children do.

My husband preaches about how when a parent is first feeding the baby with a spoon of food. They make sounds like yum, and lick their lips and play with the baby as they try to teach it to like eating the food. Different textures in foods for a baby start out with a little bit of struggle for the baby, but you keep trying another tiny bite and then the baby will get used to it and it will be easy for the baby to enjoy it. It is not enjoyable for the baby or those that might be watching the process if the feeder rams the spoon in the babies mouth and always gets exasperated and angry and it might even stunt the good digesting of food and happy feeling of being fed. Even though a baby eats messy and spits it out from tasting and eating baby style pretty soon the baby is reaching for the spoon itself and eating  and maybe making a mess , but soon it gets easier for him to feed himself and the mess gets less and less.

Daddy and Andy our youngest son

Serving Jesus has to be a good, wonderful and enjoyable for us to help our young grow up with the joy of serving Jesus embedded in their hearts. And even if they go astray they know that they still love the Preacher, Pastor, Mom and Dad and family of God. They know that they aren’t right, but when they live for God they want it like their mom and dad and how they were brought up.

I was brought up to be careful how you speak of the Holy Ghost and Good Godly people. In fact I was cautioned to be careful what I said about those that were not doing right. I realize that has kept me from feeling free to just say whatever I decided to say even about those that were not right in the church. It also leaves the door to my heart open so if I am needed to show love and concern God can use me to help show Godly love and care to someone that has been wrong.

I Thank God that I never feel free to just assassinate anyone’s character. Those I have seen that feel free to destroy what is left of someone’s desire to  come to church by treating them unkind and telling them off are in trouble in their own character. God is much nicer than we ever thought of being. God Loves when we don’t love. He knows how to clean someone up from the world and make them so right that you cannot recognize how they used to be. And I have seen him do that myself. Love works wonders in the hardest situations, We are limited and we limit ourselves.

So, you want your child and family to live for God. It really works the best if you have the Fruits of the Spirit working in your life. They all point to life with Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness Faith, Meekness, and Temperance. And , If these are working in YOUR LIFE you will have much more success in convincing just by your life that Serving Jesus is the Best Thing that can ever happen.

Our Family Dec. 2009

Organize and Reorganize!!

Organize and Reorganize

That has been my motto in my life. I have come to this conclusion years ago when I had five children and more responsibilities than I knew what to do with. I have never been totally organized but I have felt so good when I did try to. What I realized was,  how much easier life is for someone that even makes a stab at being organized.

Sis Huntley, Christy, Marisa, Christyana and myself at a tea room in Raleigh, NC

Many times I memorize telephone numbers maybe after hearing them even once. I know I am amazing, right? Well, I am not 100% sure so I have made address books and list to remind me. I have learned to organize our bills and keep them in a separate folder or drawer so if my mind isn’t clear it won’t be that hard to put my hands on them. I make a list of all the account numbers, customer service numbers when they are due and how much. I do those extra things to calm my mind for those calamity days when everything hits at once and you are not prepared.

Sometimes I feel like a airhead and I hear people called airheads, no wonder. When you don’t think before you speak and you speak and blurt out just the wrong thing…it doesn’t take much of that before you feel like you are making some boo boos even with your speech. I have made a few mistakes like that, but again organizing what I am saying and why I am saying it and who it might embarrass or hurt is important.  I have embarrassed myself before and it feels awful even if I didn’t mean to say the wrong thing.

Andy and Jasmine our youngest .

I try not to be so fussy with my house that my family cannot relax because of a mess. Mess happens in a family and I will not shine my house or have a fit if something gets out of place now and then. If I lose a lot of time cleaning and being a fanatic in my house cleaning then I will see visitors and family come and go and feel a loss because my focus is what happens to my clean house. You can go too far either way. It is very uncomfortable to go to a home that is squeaky clean and they are still squeaking over how dirty their house is and you can’t even have time with them to sit and talk or have a bowl of popcorn and laugh and talk.  The type of person I have been probably doesn’t fit Organization.

Papa Ballestero and Zion, Jeron and Chloe this past summer.

I do know that when my guest get there I want to be prepared to open the door without having to say excuse my house. I have been unorganized many times and will still be unorganized I am not that great at it, but I am working on it because I like to worry less and be able to not miss out on the good feeling that comes from being as organized as possible and having time to enjoy the fun and the good moments in life that I might miss if I live in a mess.

I have seen parents look at their children and expect so much from them. They want them to do well in school and clean their rooms that are so messy that the child feels just as overwhelmed as the parents. The parents can’t cope and don’t clean things as a good example enough for the child to understand how to do it.  If it is drudgery for the parent that gives out orders and hopes for the best without showing how to organize in a nice manner then a no care attitude enters the mind.

Braden, Me and Carlton Anthony and Kim's boys!

Every kid is different, some learn quick and some learn slow. The manner in which you teach them to work under pressure may work at times, but it may also not be all that gratifying to work if it is with strong words and harsh pressure. Make work a bit of fun if possible.  Don’t expect every child or teen to be the same about work. I thought some of mine would end up never being good housekeepers. They are now that they are married and they do clean. But they have learned from me when company comes sit down and enjoy them. Don’t keep your dusting rag in your hand and sigh and scowl at every little mess that happens.

Huntley Starr Ballestero

Just like kids notebooks for school every so often as they grow older it makes it easier if they go through and organize and put in order their assignments, or class order. We teach organization from how we handle things. Like I said I Organize, then I reorganize over and over in my mind, heart, car, house, jobs, just pretty much every part there is a good feeling when you reorganize and smooth out the rough edges that leave you rattled and nervous.

If I expect my young ones to do well and think and not forget than I don’t need to push them and let myself slack. We all have our slack moments but pretty soon when we want to have a little more fun and peace we get our mind, heart, important papers, bills, food and on and on in a more neat organized fashion. I don’t say I did it all perfect, but I learned from experiences that Working at it sure helps for the peace of mind.  If you are always a last minute person and yet you like things just right and all of a sudden your time is gone and you go screeching around your house barking orders and blaming others for stuff you could have done with a better way about you, that will defeat you and you really should keep those moments down for the sake of your children’s peace of mind and your families  peace .  Work should not always be a horrible task make it rewarding all you can. Not just paying money for everything but fun can be an attitude which makes the work go faster.

We all have rushed , troubling moments, but when it becomes a way of life for us we need to reorganize and get priorities in line. I see people that never seem to get the idea of preparing ahead of time and if they did what they could they would have much more free time and more calmness’.

Garrison, Cade and Ainsley Marisa and Brandon's kids.

I used to get baby bottles ready washed and water in them ready for the formula. I would put a baggie of snacks for those moments when baby or little one might be hungry. Get the diaper bag ready a bit before. So many ways we take the drastic moments out of life.

Being a Good Steward of what you earn and keeping your tithe up to date and knowing what you owe and when. That keeps the mind more at peace. Being forgetful must not be the norm or you will suffer and peace of mind will be hard to find. We can’t expect a child to be something we are not. They learn from us. I wanted home to be a place of refuge and peace as much as possible. Time for fun and games like children love, and a house at least clean enough to be glad to let someone in. No one should expect perfect but it will seem perfect if there is good food, peaceful people that smile easy and clean enough that you can feel comfortable to eat, sleep and have fellowship.

I have been to school and Sunday School Class rooms that seemed so cluttered and like no one cared. That is a hard place to learn. I have been in homes including my own where disagreements were mounting because the mess around just added a little more fuel to the fire.

Christyana and Christian Bryan and Christy's kids

I was blessed to have a husband that never said a word about the house. I am so glad he was kind and sweet enough to realize there were times I just couldn’t keep up or didn’t feel well enough to make it neat, as it should be. There is times we can not help it , but a peanut butter sandwich in the corner for weeks could say someone really doesn’t care.

I am not comfortable when I go to a home where they act like you are going to mess up their home. Or they wipe everything as you touch it. But there is a happy medium and just an all around good feeling that comes when you know you have searched your heart, mind and soul, and you are working at having things with some order and manners .

Marty and Marisa last summer at Highlight Root Beer Stand!

You want to please your husband , God and Family and friends with just a easy , neat and sweet manner of life. Things do get in disarray, this life is fast and sometimes furious but there are always a few areas that if we take notice and smooth out the road by rearranging and try once again to have peace come back and enjoy those simple pleasures of life. I have found it to be a blessing to never give up but try again and keep up and enjoy things that are so important.

Some times it seems easier to just overlook and ignore all the things that seem so simple like they don’t matter, but in driving you have to mind the simple things like watch where you are going, turn just right, make sure baby is strapped in, stop at the light. If you don’t you will go through life and not be safe, you will be maybe not able to live through the accidents you end up in. All because you don’t take care of looking where you are going, stopping when you should, watching the gas level.

Some Organizing is a lot less trouble than not going to the trouble to Organize.  You forget less when you write down a birthday you want to remember, or keep track of the checks you write in your checkbook. This organizing is much simpler than the alternative of living sloppy and just careless with things all a mess. You will enjoy life better if you just organize and it will get unorganized that is life, just try again a reorganize. I will work at it too I assure you I like it better than when I am unorganized!!

Smile and Laugh with Every Child, and Make Your Home a Haven!!

Smile and Laugh with Every Child you have, and make your Home a Haven!!

Our Ainsley (Marisa's and Brandon's girl)

You know you love all your children and you are providing to the best of your ability for them. Father and Mother thinking of raising their children to be good citizens, good people in general doing well at their studies and making you proud. You wrestle and struggle through homework, you have a hard time managing sibling rivalry or just plan kid stuff, you make sure their teeth are taken care of and they look and smell decent. You try to teach them manners; you go to much effort to make them learn responsibility and respect. And you want them to be talented and a part of the youth group and to grow up feeling close to family and church. The one easy ingredient to add calm and spice to life is to work on your own smiles and laugh easily. So this sounds Silly well you might live a grim, life if it doesn’t come natural. Grim is not fun. God does believe in a Merry Heart. We have enough Grim moments lets make learning and living easier with more smiles. It does soften the blows of life and it crunches the harsh looks that comes from stress. We used to sing when we were small ,”Smile a While and Give Your Face a Rest.”

I knew I loved my kids yet I had this idea that they were not paying attention to how nice I was trying to bring them up. Really I was trying to be the best boss and make sure they would never embarrass themselves or me as much as possible. Sometimes you feel like no matter what you do you are serious all the time. If you don’t act and look serious you might lose ground and they might be disobedient and take over your authority and then you would be sunk.

Cade(Marisa and Brandon's Boy)

Looking around at the families that seemed the most happy and enjoying life plus doing well in responsibilities I noticed something that would help me get through with as much peace and ease as I could hope for. I went to the Bible Book Store and was looking for something that would give me some direction, I did that often without reason but I walked around and my eyes fell on the title, “Laugh With Your Teenager”.

“Laugh With Your Teenager,” that caught my eye and I picked it up and scanned through it. It sounds so simple and easy but I think I needed that too much to just ignore. We sometimes stay in a mode of correcting, frowning; making bad facial expressions towards the kid that is aggravating our life away.

We are so focused on their bad grades and they seem so unhappy and when they are happy we dislike what they are happy about. We think they are going to turn out bad and be sleeping on the street like a bum beat up and drunk all the time. Some may turn out that way. I tried my best with my kids and mistakes did happen and problems did come, but God helped me even with this one simple thought I need to create and find every chance I can to remember how much smiles relax when they are given.

I learned by scanning that one book some ideas of where smiles and laughs can lighten loads of tension and anger and disappointment.  I did buy the book and got more ideas but I couldn’t just ignore what I read it turned a light on and I found it to work.

Now as a kid I almost got spanked before and I got some hard looks because if you hurt your self or stubbed you toe I would giggle. I have giggled when I was scared and that looks insane to some folks. Oh well I laugh at different stuff than even my husband. Sometimes I can’t get a joke till later or maybe not at all, but something or someone doing something different my sisters and I look at each other without a work and laugh.

Kalyx and Jeron our oldest Grands. Anthony's Girl and Marty's Son

If we ask God to help us and we keep the Fruits of the Spirit working in our own life we will smile and laugh more. There are situations where my brain seems to shut down when things get to pressured and tense. I learn little other than your angry with me and I better listen. Those moments should be moments when they happen not hours and days of going around tense and unforgiving. If we are trying to get the best out of someone then we make it worth it to them.

What about when you have jobs your kids need to do? What are you like then because I know unless you put some fun or make it seem like it will bring some good feelings and you even make a game out of it when they are small it is a fight. I have heard some of my own girls make a fun time with what they offer if they even try to clean up. Or they make it fun as they work by at times showing them how to make their bed or where to put their dirty clothes or how they should do something in a smiling easy way. It seemed rewarding enough there wasn’t such a dread.

I can honestly say that I don’t even have the want to to walk up to someone that doesn’t smile much and talk. I have made myself do it but I love those faces better that look like they smile easy. They are all around less scary to me and even more beautiful. A smile has been a blessing to those that are less handsome and actually made them attractive.

This subject may seem so trivial but we create our own environment. I have been in homes a lot and I dread the ones that are so tense with their children and I see no kind looks at least. Every little thing that goes wrong or isn’t done is such a big thing and the kids never do anything their parents can smile about or even laugh about. Some things are kids stuff and you can laugh with your child and some mistakes are not huge moments that you need to make the whole room tense up and take notice.

Christian and Christyana(Bryan and Christy's children)

This may seem like simple stuff, but it has helped me through some tough moments. Your sure not going to get through life without crying and struggling don’t go through life without smiling and laughing it will be the glue that will make folks want to be around you. Even though hardships come and tough situations come it will ease things at times much more than a frown or more angry words and thoughts.

Maybe you are a quiet person and you don’t laugh loud and hard a quiet smile works wonders too. I have worked with more kids than just my own and found that my smile meant so much and brought me closer to them. They had walls up to others , but I could even talk to them and hear their heart when they couldn’t open up to others. They needed a relaxing smile and feeling of acceptance just like they were, to be able to even make a start at getting a change in their life or a healing for what they had been through.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the Power of a Laugh or a Smile!!

And don’t laugh more with people outside your household and forget that Your Own Loved Ones Need Laughs and Smiles the most from You.!!! Even if they seem like Silly Laughs and this goes good for Fathers and Mothers, Sisters and Brothers.!!

Love Your Strong Headed Kid!!

Jeron holding Chloe at a week old!!

Love Your Strong Headed  Kid !!

What do you do when you suddenly can no longer handle what is going on?

I wish I could answer that in a nice easy manner, but we are all different and have all kinds of our own selves to handle. I sure don’t feel like I have all the answers but I have had to handle some stuff whether I wanted to or not.

There comes a time when it no longer is profitable to sit your child in a corner. You sure make things worse when you begin to openly speak to others bad about your so-called problem kid.  By the time you get into the troubling situation where you feel you have lost control and are no longer the authority on corralling the enormous hard to deal with situation.

God has done work on me and life has also while I was agonizing and dealing with I thought more than I could bear.  I have learned so much by watching and my husband has helped to calm me with just the right words. In dealing with tough unyielding kids after they are old enough to make some decisions and live on their own I have found 1. Prayer 2. Love 3. Controlling my own thoughts and words 4. Self Control in venting and exposing how mad I am and how embarrassed I am. 5. Keep your door to your house open and your heart.

Two Great Grandmothers and a Grandma admiring Kalyx!!

Walls go up and iron bars lock gates of communication with resentment and harsh talk. You can get no where when the one you want to convince sees you care more about how you feel than how they feel. You think maybe I can ignore and shut them out they will learn, only for them to move farther away because you seem to be trying to destroy them. All the time you might be hurting and wanting the best for them but the Bible does say ,”A soft answer turns away wrath”.

I have learned to love and care for boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids that I was scared to death of. I wanted to say no, but I did not want the relationship to go under ground and be separated from our family. I have spent many a evening fellowshipping and making meals for the same right in my own home.

I have not been able to just say no like you should to drugs! I have appeared to say yes and soon with some I did begin to enjoy and love the person I thought I couldn’t. And I struggled to keep the fruits of the spirit alive. And worried but I realized that the other person begin to care about me because it was felt I cared about them. The real deal about all of this is that I felt I had to show love no matter how I felt as much or more to the other person than I did for my own child.  To control this I worried about so much, I had to first of all control myself, and how I dealt with it all.

What was a eye opener to me was I finally accepted that this person was going to be a part of our family. When I least expected it my kid did the unexpected and broke up and started dating someone else and married that someone else. I could have wasted a lot of good anger and helped to hurry the wrong ones to go ahead and marry.

We had already decided when our children found the one they thought they loved we would love who they loved no matter what. That might be a rough thought but it has brought us through still intact as a family. Maybe shook up, but we can settle back down and enjoy life again.

Anthony 2 years old with Daddy and Grandma Ballestero!!

I have strong feelings and ideas of what I want for my children. I am quietly strong about some things, and I am glad because I have not always been in charge. I just want to be able to still have influence and good fellowship with those I love and need to have some influence over.

Sometimes we have to accept and learn to be steady and well mannered ourselves for others to even want us to be a part . I want to be very careful how I treat my very own children with a pure kind and showing love no matter what. If I don’t show love then I lose my grip on how much I can be respected and needed.

It would be better even if their presence irritates you for you to make a place in your heart to work on loving them. If they marry them you haven’t lost so much and created huge memories of anger to try to erase and forget.  It is better to be slow to anger and quick to kindness. You lose less and can still be able to turn grief into joy.

Sometimes our own pride and mentality is our worst enemy. We have our own plans and now they are not going our way. We become what we hate most . Our influence is best when we are tender and show love.

God can turn your grief to joy. I have seen it happen to myself. If I would have handled it like I wanted to I would have suffered more. I am thankful for the Fruits of the Spirit.

Gum Chewing Saints!

Gum Chewing Saints!!

Bryan blowing bubbles Marisa liking that

I wish I could say this was teenagers I see chewing gum with the gusto of a hound dog all over the church. I have been amazed. I have tried to not even to be bothered by it, but they chew so big  I feel bad for the Preacher trying to preach. It looks so ill mannered and I feel like saying spit it out, show respect.

I remember seeing kids ask to spit gum out in school. You just didn’t chew gum in school and if you insisted to keep trying to you would get your name on the board. And if you kept it up you would get to stay after school.  Chewing gum seem to mean to them you weren’t paying attention. I don’t think I would even notice if there weren’t so many chewing and chewing without being modest about it. Hope you don’t smack up on food that big I am sure you would annoy your eating buddies.

In our lives we don’t want to cramp our style about much of anything or any rule. I like gum because it freshens my breath and maybe serves to occupy me as I drive.  I do like gum. I guess I been one of the lucky ones to be alerted where to chew gum and where not. My husband is an Evangelist and has been Pastor many years and gum chewers always stand out and are noticed. When they tarry for the Holy Ghost you sure hope they spit their gum out and many haven’t and I have not seen then get far until someone would hold a Kleenex out for them to spit their gum out, so they could concentrate on praying.

I can understand feeding a baby or a small child. I been in church so much with my children I have gotten through many services with keeping them quiet that way. I can understand a mint, I guess with gum the chewing and big chewing just goes on and on and on and most the time I see a disinterested look along with it.

Just something that during church is very noticeable. Preachers have just been made to get used to seeing it now, it is just normal. I just have to accept and turn my eyes and forget another rule that seemed like it really didn’t matter.

Say Your Sorry!!

Andy and daddy having tender fun moments!

How many times growing up has this phrase been said to us? I have used that phrase with my own children. I have ask them to say they were sorry to others when they were small. I have thought about whether I made them lie because I could see it in their face that they said it to keep out of trouble with me. They were not genuinely sorry, they were being made to say that whether they were sorry or not.

I realized through out my living around people that some have never yet got the message about the need to say, “ I am so sorry”. It might embarrass you to admit that you hurt someone needlessly or were too harsh for the situation. I would rather admit my blunder and repent than to have too much pride to refresh my tenderness and wipe my record clean showing I have needlessly said or done this and it has hurt you, “I am sorry, that was so wrong of me, I should not have gone this far with my actions or words.”

There are some folks that can’t seem to say the simple words I am sorry, but they will feel bad and buy you a gift. Others may just change their ways towards you and be nice and expect that to work and it does , but there isn’t any method that works better to bring about peace and wipe the heart clean again like just out loud saying “I am sorry” and meaning it from the heart.

In a marriage nothing fixes situations when they go wrong like saying you are sorry for what you did that hurt . You know when you are the problem and most the time everyone else concerned does too. Respect is lost quicker and more when you refuse to repent for whatever your part was in the upset.

If you really want to correct your mistake and be respected again those words will be the biggest and best chance to start over new. The benefits are great.

If you think you lose respect or you feel to big to say your sorry you have just took steps backwards instead of forward. It makes you more careful when you repent to not do that again. If you make another mistake well repentance still works and it shows that there is Fruits of the Spirit working in your life. Love, Joy returns, Peace comes back, longsuffering because you needed it, Gentleness returns, Meekness instead of arrogance, Goodness! Faith! And Temperance!

It might feel dreadful to have to humble yourself and say your sorry, but it is worth the healing of hearts to just say I am sorry.

I have witnessed people talking mean about others and what you say gets around. Hearts have been wounded and disrespect has been planted with a big seed of doubt. You publicly state your opinion and feel like you have a right to say what is true then you assassinate someone else’s character never even a drop of fear while you do that. Your tender side is losing it tenderness and you feed on the faults of others and it begins to be what your mind thinks about so much of the time.

You think you had a right to resent and make fun of good people that seem to be prospering more than you. You feel the need to step on their heart and crunch their confidence and do damage to them and when it is brought out you refuse to just say I was wrong , or that was a horrible way to treat you . How much of a difference in the area of restoration, and rebuilding a relationship or just plain respect again just to say and admit “I said that wrong, I need to be kind, I wasn’t good to you”. Nothing works better to bring peace and harmony again in your own heart like Repenting when you need to.

If you are too harsh or have a pattern of cutting down your child’s confidence because you have outburst of uncontrolled anger you never thought of saying I am sorry. You think you’re the parent and shouldn’t admit because they will lose respect. They go through life have few moments of feeling cherished or fruits of the spirit  in their lives. You have called them unkind names and punished them so much for your own aggravations. You are extreme about every minute problem , then you may feel God talking to you about repenting. The Devil wants you and your relationships destroyed so when you feel tender and repenting  don’t refuse or be afraid of losing ground that is the one key that opens the door to a better relationship with even your children. If there ever is any hope of fixing damage it is in repentance and saying your sorry and then you have more power to actually reverse and repair damage.

I am so thankful that the words,” I am sorry are so precious and cleansing and I love how I feel when that is said.” I can once again smile at someone I wronged and care what happens to them. We both know I repented and my part was fixed whether they accept it or not .

No Pity Needed!!

No Pity Needed !!

If they told me that hell isn’t real and there is no heaven to gain, I would still love the life I am living for Jesus. Just why would my life be better with a cigarette, or a freedom to drink booze. If I could dress any way I want to with no restraints about men’s apparel or wearing shorts and halter tops how would that enhance my looks or give me more respect. Skinny or Chubby I feel relieved to see a Lady dress modestly and lady like.

I wouldn’t look better with my hair cut off like a man or or even stringing down my back unkempt. It is a little work to look neat and decently dressed, but the feeling of taking care about how you act and looked is much more relaxing than the alternative of just going about any way you decide and feel.

I still like to see mom’s teach their little girls from a young age how to sit Lady like and how beautiful they are without makeup, and jewelry. It seems like some Pentecostal mom’s think their daughters are deprived if they don’t allow them to wear make up, short sleeved dresses, slacks and shorts. I grew up seeing Mom look so pretty even when she was casual she looked attractive and she taught me that is the way to look attractive. You dress modestly, you look natural and you act like a lady with a sweet manner and that is the easiest way to be pretty.

The happiest most well adjusted little girls I see are ones that they have been taught basic manners, modesty and how to handle themselves in a poised manner. You never hurt your daughter by not giving in to worldly dress or jewelry and makeup. The beauty comes from within to the outside. If you are beautiful but arrogant you are not easy to be around and you will lack the wholesome friendships that you could have.

How nice it is to see a mom take time to do lady things with their daughters. The relationship of a mom and her daughter is enhanced not by how many clothes you buy her by demand, but how many little things you simply do that are gradually teaching her to be pleased with lady things. Start by doing a little tea at the house some pretty teacups, or take a little pleasure in helping her dress nicely for church and look her age and enjoy without real expensive clothes, where she looks at other girls and compares prices.   Clothes that are fitting for her age as she grows. It is not how much you spend that brings happy feelings.  If you start out quoting prices and spending high prices it becomes a must and takes the contentment out of anything ordinary.

The Bible is the most peaceful guide in how we should bring our girls up. They can be out going or quiet in nature and if you teach them manners and wholesome living either temperament can be a joy. It is good to make over your child and compliment them every chance you get. Teach them how to allow others to compliment them and how much sweeter it feels to not prompt other to brag on you, by bragging on yourself. How good it is for them to learn to compliment others and share the joy of others also. Some learn to be takers but not givers.

Manners have to be taught. The best way to teach someone to me is making it a fun thing instead of drudgery. Some learn to work or not want to work by the harsh style of how they were taught. Teaching in life should not always be a harsh dreadful time. I have heard mom’s sing songs of pick up clean up or make work a more rewarding fun time and that would make a child have fun and learn not to dread work or manners. If you are always punishing and getting overly harsh then the ease that kids can get from what they need to do and have to do is destroyed. Let the pattern they have to cut out and live by simple.

In all we are teaching it is easier to teach and learn if you are not harsh, and so ready to punish.  Tension and dread stunts the growth of good character development. If you the teacher want respect and consistent obedience without inner resentment and having to force without it becoming a way of life, you need to pay attention to how you are teaching. Is it with harsh, angry force or full of threats instead of making it appealing to do? Most things can be taught and made to feel like a livable non-threatening thing to do.  You should explain why and how it is just better, or nicer way to do it this way.

If you never let your child talk about things with you without getting upset or shutting them up then there will come a day you will want to communicate in an easy manner, but you didn’t create that so they will share their communication with others. They will not find you to be the one they can share their confusion or disappointments or joys with because you did not cultivate a easy communication no matter whether it is with joy or trouble.

I have been so blessed to raise my own children in the fear of the Lord. To me the fear of the Lord means that I want to please him. I want him to approve. It is not with dread although I know if I don’t follow his commands and obey that I will suffer and lose his approval. He makes my life so pleasant and the benefits are worth whatever the rules.  The rules are not excruciatingly harsh they are what brings me quality of life and I live them easy. I am deprived of nothing good for me. I can enjoy with my guidelines a pattern to keep me safe and in tune with him.

If you have rules in your home of what you allow or don’t allow why is it that you challenge rules in church. I see people that are not very God conscious making statements of how they want God with no rules. I don’t want that kind of relationship. God is Love and he protects me with what I learn to live by. The Ten Commandments are rules, the scripture has guidelines, your job will tell you good bye if you don’t follow rules. If there were no rules or regards for how you are treated, or how you treat others, you would not want to keep working there.

There are codes to live by in your home that brings comfort and peace and helps to bring a nice environment to live there for everyone there. It doesn’t mean that you should be overbearing and make strenuous rules that bring tension and resentment, you have defeated your own life and those that have to live with you. The Fruits of the Spirit cushions our life to live what we live and feel good about it.

When you want to get a point across don’t cross out church. Are you having trouble with your child? So they love to go to church and they love their friends at church. If you punish and are thinking of what means most, why don’t you ground them from a youth function, youth night, youth conference that they were looking so forward to? Why don’t you get them where it hurts the most in their fellowship of good church kids? If you must punish don’t squash their desire to do church functions or by separating them from church friends.

They will find their fellowship needs elsewhere in their world and lose their desire for church. I have counted the cost and that loss is long lasting and too devastating spiritually to be worth the risk to get your point across. I never want to kill the excitement of church functions. In you’re taking away don’t take away the church; you might be replacing the love for church with disdain and resentment.

We make adjustments and we live by codes, and rules, but we are living a good life and not missing the good important things of life.

The most fun, classy wholesome people I know are living of the best of life, not deprived of worldly dress or activities just safe and dedicated and loving it. Their happy bright pleasing contented manner gives me peace in knowing this is the best way to live.

I have been raised not with pity at what I don’t do. I know why I don’t do what I don’t do and it has been explained and I have seen the value in why. I get to do so many good things that it has replaced the don’ts. No pity or mocking necessary for me.

Decisions We Make

Farrah and Clark

Decisions We Make

Decisions are one of the most important steps we have to take in our lives. I make decisions everyday of my life. Like those easy ones of whether I am going to get up early or not, or what I am going to eat. I can tell myself you need to get up at 4am for the trip and somehow I seem to wake up at that time without an alarm clock. I can think about a certain food and it sounds good so I can fix that and eat it. I have had to make decisions for my children until they were old enough to make their own.

My children are the people I affect the most and influence the most. If I make a wrong decision it not only hurts me but it affects them. They get to suffer as much as I do and maybe more because of the long lasting effect. Your heart can warn you not to make this choice and you can override it and be driven no matter the cost and rationalize yourself to believe you will do that and be fine. I fear for those that promote worldly dress, activities, and attitudes. It is evident that they are so selfish and have a life of Godless guidance and no respect for God’s way of life. The most well dressed, well adjusted, and clean fun loving people are people who value what would Jesus and my Pastor say about this. Promoting strife and disobedience amongst our youth just to do whatever makes them happy for the moment is not going to end up being the right decision that makes our children, friends and loved ones want to serve Jesus. It will be a wrong turn in your road and many will fall with you. When will you decide to honor and respect your Pastor and those that represent us to Jesus  from the depth of your mind heart and soul. This is one decision that makes all the difference in the world on whether you are a strong, happy, and dedicated child of God that needs no pity for what you refuse to partake of that will be detrimental to your walk with Jesus and certainly what you promote to others.

I have seen so called Christian mothers promote their children to be in love with someone that are not interested in the church.  They make it feel comfortable for them to chose someone that is not a part of the church and then promote it not just with their own children , but celebrate it by promoting it amongst other youth of the church. Pretty soon there are no reasons for those they like to have to even try to find Jesus.  The Bible says don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. What does that mean to you? We are to be soul winners and not soul destroyers. I have lived through situations where kids liked someone that did not attend and was not a part of our church. I wanted to win them to Jesus and would be nice to them but my decision had to be strong and known that to marry and date before they know Jesus is against God’s rules. If you know Jesus you are knowingly sacrificing your childs soul to encourage this.

Grandson Jeron praying so sweet to me.

I am a strong willed person, and as my daddy used to say I have raised 5 strong-minded girls. That can be good and that can be bad. In dealing with people I actually am drawn to strong, and sometimes stubborn people. I am usually not afraid to approach them because I have been around enough of them to not be afraid if they are at least approachable. I had to make a decision long ago for myself that although I really like to make my own decisions, I made a choice to think things out and measure my decision on whether it would help or hinder me when it comes to my walk with the Lord. I have made decisions to get counsel and then still I have  prayed first on most decisions for peace.

I have chose not to over-ride my conscience. A big part of my thinking is the way I was taught to dress, what I could do and still keep intact a tender, careful, and respectful way of life living for Jesus and not just my own desires no matter the cost. I have been tempted, tried, and ridiculed for even thinking that I could not do something. I have found that there is a difference in how tender you feel even at a church service when the presence of the Lord is touching folks. The good decisions on holiness or life style pave the way for a tender heart. People that are defending carnal things that they made a decision to be more apart of than Holiness dedications usually laugh at those that decide to do some particular dedication that they THINK is okay.

You make decision in how you spend your money. If you make a plan you decide to save towards that plan. You can just feed your desire to buy whether you need it or not. You can make the bad decision of putting off what you owe and spend on something less important to you, than paying tithe, rent, food, and utilities on and on. That can become a habit and a way of life, and that decision will take you ease of mind away, it will bring trouble and cause those closest to you to be uncomfortable. What a relief if we would learn how we affect not only ourselves but those we need and love the most in our own life.

In my marriage I been blessed with great examples of how to act and choices to bring about the real important reason to marry like, kindness, making it possible to be cherished instead of resented, tenderness and affection instead of cold arrogant actions which breeds a troubled marriage. Hardships come and hardships go, good days come, bad days come, that reigns on the just and unjust alike. Our decision to keep our faith and trust in God, and to keep our attitude tender makes the difference in how much we are able to cope. If you chose to be belligerent jump to conclusions on the harsh side of situations then you live what all that brings. If you work at keeping the Fruits of the Spirit in your life then when troubles come your way, you can still come out with God’s Love and Guidance and approval in your life. The Peace of the Lord in your life is easy to notice by all that know you.

Great Grandma June Davis and Kalyx

I watch people that never want to be instructed yet they have made a decision to laugh and make fun of how others dress or kind of house they have and lack of material things they have that they approve of. They are drunk on their own idea and showing decisions of ill-mannered actions and again I realize that even in our daily manners and actions there is such a bad decision to not have the Fruits of the Spirit in our lives. Just go head on choosing to hurt and get hurt and sneer at others that are really on track and trying to not condemn you, but trying to please God to the best of their ability.

Deciding in your relationships to show manners always, be generous with affection, smiles and laughter, give of best in your home for the comfort of your own family. It pays good dividends in the kind of atmosphere of Love and peace and joy. I myself can enjoy a little argument once in a while, but there is a part of me that wants to not be mean about it. I don’t want to be around people that enjoy snapping on others. If you ever cared about your own atmosphere then make a decision to be kind and sweet yourself as much as possible. Some folks are nicer to everyone except their own family. They will give compliments to others, talk and laugh at others jokes, but treat their very own rude and harsh. I say you have made the decision to Self Destruct your own environment and you got some work to do on making better decisions on how you want to live. You can start with yourself and work on you and what a difference that will make.

I have had a lack of money and it felt uncomfortable, I had to decide what can I do to have a good time with what I DO have.  That didn’t hurt me it made me more thoughtful of the good stuff I have at hand. Then I could have made a decision to stew and gripe and cry and feel like a underdog when that decision would not bring what I wanted at all. You can decide to replace a good feeling, activity, on and on that money can’t buy anyway. I watch people decide to choose homes, clothes and things that are so far out of their range financially that they don’t really get to enjoy it after all. They are so full of worry and can’t even buy the groceries they need, or go out to eat or enjoy giving their tithe because at the moment they lived for a decision to go ahead over their better decision to be content with something they could have peace about.  How they thought they looked to others mattered more than their own peace of mind .

I have watched parents teach their Children to worry about fame and to follow after sports and college and careers that if they missed church, oh well you got to have a education. You’re a smart kid and if you lose your soul and have to follow the world we are not worried as much about whether you make it spiritually or not, you can always come back to God. I have some smart children and in my family are lawyers, college educated family even my own children are in college. I will not feel good if they gain the world and lose their soul. If they can play sports and not miss church and keep their love for being in church that would be good. I just made the decision not to encourage them to be educated and sports fans and the cost be losing their desire to give their best to God. I loved my family that are important in the world and I long to be with them but it can crush God out of our conversation, and fellowship once they give themselves to politics, being famous and what we decide to give up to not just make a living for comfort but, you start deciding where God fits in your life and where he doesn’t. If I do everything offered to me by my journey with the Lord, and my priorities are with what will keep me on track and close to him, I will not be bored, or lack in anything worthwhile. I am as active and busy as I could ever want to be.

If you keep making decisions that you have no time for church fellowship and keep bringing more and more of the world in without regard for serving the Lord and keeping alive the church activities soon church is no longer important and you haven’t been careful and now you have changed from church to the world and all that comes with the world.

What profit is it all, if we gain the world and lose our soul. My second son Bryan  was ask to speak at a young age. His title was so good to me, “You got what you wanted, but you lost what you had.” It is your decision!