Love Your Strong Headed Kid!!

Jeron holding Chloe at a week old!!

Love Your Strong Headed  Kid !!

What do you do when you suddenly can no longer handle what is going on?

I wish I could answer that in a nice easy manner, but we are all different and have all kinds of our own selves to handle. I sure don’t feel like I have all the answers but I have had to handle some stuff whether I wanted to or not.

There comes a time when it no longer is profitable to sit your child in a corner. You sure make things worse when you begin to openly speak to others bad about your so-called problem kid.  By the time you get into the troubling situation where you feel you have lost control and are no longer the authority on corralling the enormous hard to deal with situation.

God has done work on me and life has also while I was agonizing and dealing with I thought more than I could bear.  I have learned so much by watching and my husband has helped to calm me with just the right words. In dealing with tough unyielding kids after they are old enough to make some decisions and live on their own I have found 1. Prayer 2. Love 3. Controlling my own thoughts and words 4. Self Control in venting and exposing how mad I am and how embarrassed I am. 5. Keep your door to your house open and your heart.

Two Great Grandmothers and a Grandma admiring Kalyx!!

Walls go up and iron bars lock gates of communication with resentment and harsh talk. You can get no where when the one you want to convince sees you care more about how you feel than how they feel. You think maybe I can ignore and shut them out they will learn, only for them to move farther away because you seem to be trying to destroy them. All the time you might be hurting and wanting the best for them but the Bible does say ,”A soft answer turns away wrath”.

I have learned to love and care for boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids that I was scared to death of. I wanted to say no, but I did not want the relationship to go under ground and be separated from our family. I have spent many a evening fellowshipping and making meals for the same right in my own home.

I have not been able to just say no like you should to drugs! I have appeared to say yes and soon with some I did begin to enjoy and love the person I thought I couldn’t. And I struggled to keep the fruits of the spirit alive. And worried but I realized that the other person begin to care about me because it was felt I cared about them. The real deal about all of this is that I felt I had to show love no matter how I felt as much or more to the other person than I did for my own child.  To control this I worried about so much, I had to first of all control myself, and how I dealt with it all.

What was a eye opener to me was I finally accepted that this person was going to be a part of our family. When I least expected it my kid did the unexpected and broke up and started dating someone else and married that someone else. I could have wasted a lot of good anger and helped to hurry the wrong ones to go ahead and marry.

We had already decided when our children found the one they thought they loved we would love who they loved no matter what. That might be a rough thought but it has brought us through still intact as a family. Maybe shook up, but we can settle back down and enjoy life again.

Anthony 2 years old with Daddy and Grandma Ballestero!!

I have strong feelings and ideas of what I want for my children. I am quietly strong about some things, and I am glad because I have not always been in charge. I just want to be able to still have influence and good fellowship with those I love and need to have some influence over.

Sometimes we have to accept and learn to be steady and well mannered ourselves for others to even want us to be a part . I want to be very careful how I treat my very own children with a pure kind and showing love no matter what. If I don’t show love then I lose my grip on how much I can be respected and needed.

It would be better even if their presence irritates you for you to make a place in your heart to work on loving them. If they marry them you haven’t lost so much and created huge memories of anger to try to erase and forget.  It is better to be slow to anger and quick to kindness. You lose less and can still be able to turn grief into joy.

Sometimes our own pride and mentality is our worst enemy. We have our own plans and now they are not going our way. We become what we hate most . Our influence is best when we are tender and show love.

God can turn your grief to joy. I have seen it happen to myself. If I would have handled it like I wanted to I would have suffered more. I am thankful for the Fruits of the Spirit.

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6 responses to “Love Your Strong Headed Kid!!

  1. Ardella yates ( field)

    Marcia.
    I have been reading what you have wrote.and you seem to have a grip on things.so i have to ask you about this one.I have baby sat our first grandchild and loved every bit of it.since then my husband has retired.and so the second child comes along.and we are exspected to take care of.I love them and i am very torn because i want to say no and i don’t want to hurt my kids.so i do it.and my husband is ready to travel.I ask you what should i do.without putting a bridge between myself and kids.thank you.look forward to more of your writing.good job.

    • I would feel like you because I hate not to do for one what I do for another and I love all my grandkids. I had one alot till he was 31/2, and moved, but I would just have to explain how you are about to travel more and your husband and you are going to have to be free to do that. You are getting at the age that people travel so you won’t be able to babysit constantly you will love having them when you are home, but you can’t commit to being the main sitter. I don’t know any other way to say it. I did just that with the one I had the most and it was hard on me too, I missed him although I get to have him in the summer now along with more of my grands.

  2. Marian June Davis

    This is all very good. Ithink an ex ception would be if you knew for sure that the person was a rotter. I have taken a actual step to stop a relationship and I’m not sorry. But if the one is ok except you don’t care for them. I’d say step back and try to make a friend, you’ll loose otherwise.

  3. Marisa Hartzell

    Wonderful Article Mom!!! I must say how you handled us kids and the situations we went thru may not have been understood by others, but it is the loving (But yet Godly firm)way you handled us that kept us loving our family and brought us right with God..All 5 of your children are living and working for God today..THAT is no Mistake..You and Dad are my mentors in Child rearing for sure. Love you much..Dont stop writing!!

  4. Martyn Ballestero II

    This is valuable advise and a way to live your life. Having kids entering the teen and preteen years, I realize how important this kind of knowledge is in raising my kids.

  5. Thank You Marisa you are a wonderful daughter and Marty you both have blessed us with good spouses that are so easy to be around and love. I feel blessed to say the least. When I come to your place you all are so sweet and our conversations are such a good time together. I don’t take it lightly that the spouses are very comfortable and close to us too. We did work towards that kind of a relationship, but it has been so good to have it that way.

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