Showing Affection and Tenderness
I grew up with affection and it didn’t stop when I was no longer a baby. All five of us were hugged, kissed, smiled at often, and we were cuddled much as babies. As we grew up I began to realize that everyone doesn’t do that as much as we do. I seen stoic, ill at ease folks that yes I believed they still loved and cared, but to physically or vocally be affectionate was such a hard thing for them.
Then I have seen those that were raised without affection that craved it so much they gave in to good judgment on their own part and over came the scare of outwardly showing of affection. They realized it was a missing ingredient in their lives and it would be awkward all their lives if they did not began to express and share the love and care they felt inside.
We have heard of test they have done on babies to see how they developed and grew for a span of time without being talked to in a smiling loving way, or cuddled and played with. They just made sure they had everything done for them like fed them, changed them, but no affection or words of love. The babies that we cuddled and talked to grew and thrived and responded to the love they were shown. The ones that merely were taken care of without the nourishment of love and attention or touching failed to thrive.
I have seen young men and women somehow fall in love and marry only to cease showing outward affection with words and tenderness. You wonder why or how did they even get together. They just exist and survive without a spark or look of happiness. They go about their duties of life and life seems like it is dull and there is a lack of luster or fun just no kind of expression of the magic of love. Even the family they raise carry on the same way of life and the part of life that should be there that makes the home and family a place that everyone likes to be it is just not there.
I am blessed to have been cuddled and to hear words of love and tenderness.
When life seemed to be rough words of encouragement came through and put the courage and sparked the fire of a fresh start again and once again I could go on. Many times we may feel awkward and needy when inside we feel like we want to be cherished and smiled at. We just were all made to be cherished and cuddled and loved. We live in a world that has many mentally sick people in it that can make you very cautious and careful and purity is important. But my heart goes out to those that crave tenderness and hugs. There is no one that can fill the emptiness like Jesus. God is the answer to those that have made bad choices of mates and have felt a longing to be really cared for but seem to keep trying to live the best way they can with someone that refuses to be affectionate and tender. Children are damaged in that area of their life when they grow up without being hugged, talk to with a tender way. Along with correction and discipline is the balance of love that makes a kid want to do better and helps them grow into a mature wholesome person.
Purity is so important and it gives much magic to new relationships. It makes you notice the wholesome clean types of relationships that leave you feeling good inside. When I think of the Fruits of The Spirit in our lives working as they should I think how balanced and caring we can be no matter whether we were brought up with tenderness or wholesomeness we all lack so much without it. We can have it. It is self destruction to refuse to be healed and changed for the benefit of our loved ones and those we need to take care of.
God will heal and give us fresh starts in areas that we need to make a change and be forgiven. We can love and be loved in a world that has distorted what love is and God can heal damaged lives and make them a new.
When you are raising a family how much easier it is to learn in school when you have tender love and care. If a child has struggles in school work and you are a perfectionist about schoolwork putting strong pressure without being thoughtful and helping in a gentle way makes learning harder. A mixture of tenderness and firm discipline is much more successful in the long run than just steady harsh discipline without the oil of love to keep it working properly.
You might be trying to make sure that a child does everything right and be about as messed up yourself and you have no give for the child and yet their example of you is a hard one to follow. You are breaking rules , and talking ways you don’t want them to talk, yet you insist on being unmerciful to them for kid stuff and kid mistakes. There is nothing that works to make a child end up with less scars and more balanced than the mixture of affection, love, words of affirmation, and discipline.
I looked at a young lady that I love very much and was surprised that I said what I said to her. It was hard to say it but I wanted to say it because I noticed she was treating one child that was not hers yet with very little kindness in words. The child was a needy child she said. She was going to help fix this little girl and make her better. The child was not wild she told me she was a four year old but really a seven or eight year old. I saw her focus in on her and not be too bothered about the other two children who were in her care. She is about to marry this little girls father. I noticed her consistent focus of discipline on this one. I said , “Be a good tender mom, don’t be a step mom.” Something about that word Step has a sting to many a child that ended up being mistreated.
I know that your very own mom and dad can be not tender and affectionate. There is just a extra sting along with the regular sting that comes when you see a step parent be harsh and not kind and giving to a child. The children have to take the blows of life that come their way and have not way of fighting back. If they get put to bed while the other kids stay up and eat cake they just grow up warped in that area empty inside and longing for the dream momma or daddy they never had that would cherish and hug them.
Don’t let it be awkward to be affectionate with your family with words and hugs. It is the oil that keeps things still turning and working when the hard times come. It can give hope to the hopeless and keeps things going in the right direction. If you learn to be affectionate and some do need to learn to not forget they may not feel like affection and it might not be easy at first to say those words of affirmation but who you live with may need them to make it through life without be empty and twisted.