Author Archives: marciajune

My Wonderful Other Mother Content Faith Ballestero

Chrisytana Content Named after Great Grandma Content Faith Ballestero

My Wonderful Other Mom Content Faith Ballestero

Today is a day of giving honor to Mothers. I think of my Mothers everyday of my world. I can get mighty touched at just the thought of the Mothers of my life.

When I came into the Ballestero Family I was barely 18 years old. I wasn’t ready to leave my own mom and yet I thought I was. Mom had trained me well up to the 18-year-old mark. I want to insert this right here. I learned before I got married that if I wanted a good relationship with my husbands mother than I could have it. I was blessed to get into a family that loved me and I thought they cherished me right from the beginning. I still feel cherished and I cherish Mom Ballestero.

She was a very out going take charge mom and she was very expressive and she would hug you in spite of whether you knew how to hug or not. She was kind and compassionate. She was very much in charge of having a good time and cooking big and she was the life of the party. She also seemed to read right into your eyes if you were not doing well and she would not turn her head. She would get to the bottom of it and pray with you and show so much love and affection you would feel better.

Great Grandma and Carlton Alexander Ballestero

Mom Ballestero

Mom Ballestero came from a family of eight children and she would share stories with me of most every Sunday their family would have a big family dinner and they invited their friends and bring folks home with them and they were caring Hospitable family of Gleason’s Mom was a worshiper with all of her heart. She didn’t whisper her prayers like me she prayed with fervor to the top of her voice. You just knew God answered her prayers. And today it has affected the family strong. All of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are serving God.

Mom I remember through the years all the sweet loving way you treated me . I felt like you loved me. I married your son, but knew you would get after him if you didn’t like something he did or said to me. The great thing was you didn’t have to and I have been blessed with a fun, loving Mother in Law which I hate the mother in law jokes and it is all junk to me. I have to say you were so giving, and you loved all us kids and even made favorite deserts that we loved . The food was scrumptious and you loved to cook and serve it was a happy time. You Never acted like it was a bother. It seemed to be a delight to you.

What a good Mom you were, but when the Grand babies were born you came and stayed two weeks after my momma went home and did all the cooking and house cleaning and baby caring. The homemade chicken and noodles and roast and mashed potatoes and desserts you would go all out. I was skinny when I married and I think I got on the wrong track for my body way back because you would make desserts and I would not have a taste for them. You would say oh honey try it I made it just for you. The rest of you stayed trim enough through all that but I learned just how good home made pies and cakes were not to leave out cookie bars and brownies, and home made fresh peach ice cream. It gave me a different out look on dessert.

You were far better than any hospital care.  When you came you were so good at babies and would take their bassinet into your room so we could sleep. You would take care of baby and even wrap it tight and turn it from side to side to see if it would sleep longer. Pretty soon you would bring baby to the door all wrapped tight and say softly baby is hungry. What a Mom.

Mom had a way with animals. She found this bird walking down the side walk.

What a Woman you are. I found out early in marriage how brave you are. You loved to hunt and you would tramp out into the woods with Dad Ballestero and Marty and you would go the opposite direction and sit on the stand and wait and kill what you were after. Now I tried to go one time and went back to the trailer and crawled under the covers and waited scared until you all returned. I just knew any minute a bullet would zing through the trailer and hit me. I was not used to a gun of any kind. Well I did get used to having guns safely put away in the house but not for my use.  I was proud of you when your name was draw one out of ten to get to hunt Buffalo and you did get one. You made a rug out of the hide, A lamp out of the Leg and hoof, and had the head mounted. For many years somehow I allowed that big head to be above my organ at my house in South Bend, Indiana. My own Grandma Starr wanted to play the organ but could not she couldn’t stand to play and look at the Buffalo’s head and eyes starring at her.

You were so good with animals as I was saying. I remember the Mynah bird and how well it talked…too well. Then Fee Fee the little white poodle , then dad brought a monkey home from Ohio from a children zoo. I love watching monkeys at the zoo but this one decided to bite your hand and you still cared for it. It was pretty nice other wise but that tail wrapped around my ankle and I stood still but almost came unglued before it unwrapped it’s tail. One day it came screaming at me and Marty stopped it you had a nice size cage built for it in the basement like the zoo with a little seat it could climb up and sit on. Then just a few years ago before you went to live with Nila you were living in a house in Fontana, Ca and when we came there were white rabbits, many white rabbits that were wild sleeping all around the house under bushes they found a way under your house to live. You fed them and watered them daily. There were families of them you never picked them up you had their confidence enough for them to run to the dish and wait for feedings and you talked to them. Never picking them up but they were hooked on your charm and voice and the food won them.  There were baby rabbits all over.  You had bird feeders all around and Uncle Stan came to live with you a while and he was almost ninety and he would go to the store and buy bird feeders and bird seeds by the huge bags. You would shake your head like why does he do that. I wondered if you two realized how much alike you were with animals and enjoying the birds coming by your windows to eat and the rabbits acting like dogs in the yard running around living there with confidence.

Someone said something nice to her or gave her a sweet card.

Mom and her wild rabbits that started living in her yard.

The rabbits were brave enough to come close for food.

Recent picture of Mom, Marty, Nila and Eric.

I Love the Man you raised for me to have for a husband. Wow!! He is still mannerly and seems to enjoy being that way. He Loves God and He loves the One God Apostolic Message unwavering. He Loves our children and has been a Rock to our family. He is a wonderful writer, preacher and father and I know he loves you so much. That is wonderful because he learned from you how to be kind, and considerate of me. I Love you Mom Ballestero and I hope and believe someone will read this to you.

My Mother Marian June (Starr) Davis

Mom and Me

My Mother Marian June (Starr) Davis

My Mother has been a wonderful Mom to me. She has been a mom with high calm standards of conduct no matter what the situation. I have never seen her act in a embarrassing manner anytime. She has been dedicated to raising five girls and her manner of conduct was easy to follow. She was not a harsh mom she could be firm and show her strength in such a lady like manner.

I have tried to walk in her footsteps as a mom her steps were fun, loving and tender. She was a teacher without being a bossy and  loud . If I did wrong I was never afraid to go ahead and tell her. I want her to know what I was doing and I desired her approval. I was taught in a open, kind way with a feeling of secure expectation that I would be ok and do ok no matter what.

Grandpa and Grandma Davis and Jeron at camp

I learned to love being a mother because she seemed to love being a mother. She never worried about spoiling a baby by holding it too much. She would not leave a baby crying in a room by itself with a closed door. She would cuddle and talk softly as she searched for the problem.

This has been all of my life that this care has happened. When things got tough she has not belittled me while I was growing up to this very day. She would be the buffer between me and hurts. She is still strength to me and when hard times come and low moments I have thoughts of mom and how she would care and do whatever she could to help me feel better.

Mom at the Organ

I can honestly say that sassy has never been from me. I might have not agreed with the verdict or the answer I was given, but I don’t remember ever being harsh with mom. I know most every child reaches around twelve and is full of themselves and being at a awkward hard stage usually if they will be sassy it is then for a bit, but somehow I just want to say I am a wimp when it comes to mom. I still feel like a child and always will. I am the oldest and firstborn maybe that is why. I just feel like mom does it all right. I still want to be like her even if I disagree it will pass.

Mom has a class about her that when she walks into a room she is noticed for her style and beauty. She has a good name among all that know her. Young men and women love her counsel and I have witnessed more than her own girls that have gained much wisdom for life from mom. If it is going rough for you and you are struggling to handle mom always seems to have the calmest best advice of how to handle tough situations and come out better in the end.

Mom and Daddy

Mom I love the secure, steady, calm, caring, wise way you have handled my life when you had me. That still goes on and I am over sixty now and you are over 80 and I feel the warmth of your care still helping me take care of relationships from being a mother, wife, sister, aunt, pastor’s wife, now evangelist wife, grandma and friend.

You still speak to me if I need it and I will listen and honor your advice because you have never been a loose cannon you are tender yet a straight arrow to good advice.

How could I hurt myself and others in a no care way when I have a mom like you that has been a Rock, and with tender yet firm about what is right and what will work for the best. You have made good choices in life and handled your life in a level God-fearing fashion.

Mom, Dad, Me and Alexa

Thank You for teaching me with your example how to treat my husband and my children with affection, words of affirmation, protecting them from all I could. How to never turn my head and close doors and ignore in tough times. Love and believe for the best and never belittle and rage in disappointment. You taught me how to Mother with kisses and hugs and smiles and laughter. You taught me how to serve and love first my own family and protect them and then how to serve and love others.

You have been mom to many more than just us five girls. You have been the best advice giver, you have showed some mothering to those that lacked it and to this day they still call you mom .

I Love your music, the piano and organ playing is so lovely and full chords that make you want to sing and listen long to. I still remember dad-standing smiling at you playing songs that he loved so well. He thought you could play like no other and so did I. You could figure out the key from back in the audience when some one was traveling around to find it. Dad sang in 5 and 6 # and somehow you just went to where he was fast.

Mom and Me

Just want to say I Love the Good Home you created for the 18 years I was there. And I always love to come home and couldn’t bear not to come home ever again I just loved being around you.

Love, Marcia June(Starr)Ballestero

Showing Affection and Tenderness

Showing Affection and Tenderness

Garrison and Grandma B

I grew up with affection and it didn’t stop when I was no longer a baby. All five of us were hugged, kissed, smiled at often, and we were cuddled much as babies. As we grew up I began to realize that everyone doesn’t do that as much as we do. I seen stoic, ill at ease folks that yes I believed they still loved and cared, but to physically or vocally be affectionate was such a hard thing for them.

Then I have seen those that were raised without affection that craved it so much they gave in to good judgment on their own part and over came the scare of outwardly showing of affection. They realized it was a missing ingredient in their lives and it would be awkward all their lives if they did not began to express and share the love and care they felt inside.

We have heard of test they have done on babies to see how they developed and grew for a span of time without being talked to in a smiling loving way, or cuddled and played with. They just made sure they had everything done  for them like fed them, changed them, but no affection or words of love. The babies that we cuddled and talked to grew and thrived and responded to the love they were shown. The ones that merely were taken care of without the nourishment of love and attention or touching failed to thrive.

Chloe and Marty(daddy) sweet times.

I have seen young men and women somehow fall in love and marry only to cease showing outward affection with words and tenderness. You wonder why or how did they even get together. They just exist and survive without a spark or look of happiness. They go about their duties of life and life seems like it is dull and there is a lack of luster or fun just no kind of expression of the magic of love. Even the family they raise carry on the same way of life and the part of life that should be there that makes the home and family a place that everyone likes to be it is just not there.

I am blessed to have been cuddled and to hear words of love and tenderness.

When life seemed to be rough words of encouragement came through and put the courage and sparked the fire of a fresh start again and once again I could go on. Many times we may feel awkward and needy when inside we feel like we want to be cherished and smiled at. We just were all made to be cherished and cuddled and loved. We live in a world that has many mentally sick people in it that can make you very cautious and careful and purity is important. But my heart goes out to those that crave tenderness and hugs. There is no one that can fill the emptiness like Jesus. God is the answer to those that have made bad choices of mates and have felt a longing to be really cared for but seem to keep trying to live the best way they can with someone that refuses to be affectionate and tender. Children are damaged in that area of their life when they grow up without being hugged, talk to with a tender way. Along with correction and discipline  is the balance of love that makes a kid want to do better and helps them grow into a mature wholesome person.

Ainsley and Papa Ballestero

Purity is so important and it gives much magic to new relationships. It makes you notice the wholesome clean types of relationships that leave you feeling good inside. When I think of the Fruits of The Spirit in our lives working as they should I think how balanced and caring we can be no matter whether we were brought up with tenderness or wholesomeness we all lack so much without it. We can have it. It is self destruction to refuse to be healed and changed for the benefit of our loved ones and those we need to take care of.

God will heal and give us fresh starts in areas that we need to make a change and be forgiven. We can love and be loved in a world that has distorted what love is and God can heal damaged lives and make them a new.

When you are raising a family how much easier it is to learn in school when you have tender love and care. If a child has struggles in school work and you are a perfectionist about schoolwork putting strong pressure without being thoughtful and helping in a gentle way makes learning harder. A mixture of tenderness and firm discipline is much more successful in the long run than just steady harsh discipline without the oil of love to keep it working properly.

You might be trying to make sure that a child does everything right and be about as messed up yourself and you have no give for the child and yet their example of you is a hard one to follow. You are breaking rules , and talking ways you don’t want them to talk, yet you insist on being unmerciful to them for kid stuff and kid mistakes. There is nothing that works to make a child end up with less scars and more balanced than the mixture of affection, love, words of affirmation, and discipline.

I looked at a young lady that I love very much and was surprised that I said what I said to her. It was hard to say it but I wanted to say it because I noticed she was treating one child that was  not hers yet with very little kindness in words. The child was a needy child she said. She was going to help fix this little girl and make her better. The child was not wild she told me she was a four year old but really a seven or eight year old. I saw her focus in on her and not be too bothered about the other two children who were in her care. She is about to marry this little girls father. I noticed her consistent focus of discipline on this one. I said , “Be a good tender mom, don’t be a step mom.” Something about that word Step has a sting to many a child that ended up being mistreated.

Grandma Ballestero and Kalyx

I know that your very own mom and dad can be not tender and affectionate. There is just a extra sting along with the regular sting that comes when you see a step parent be harsh and not kind and giving to a child. The children have to take the blows of life that come their way and have not way of fighting back. If they get put to bed while the other kids stay up and eat cake they just grow up warped in that area empty inside and longing for the dream momma or daddy they never had that would cherish and hug them.

Don’t let it be awkward to be affectionate with your family with words and hugs. It is the oil that keeps things still turning and working when the hard times come. It can give hope to the hopeless and keeps things going in the right direction. If you learn to be affectionate and some do need to learn to not forget they may not feel like affection and it might not be easy at first to say those words of affirmation but who you live with may need them to make it through life without be empty and twisted.


Leave Me Alone I Got a Good Mad On And I Like It!!

Aunt Jasmine and unhappy Ainsley

I Got A Good Mad Going Now, So Back Off!!

I am so angry and there is nothing you can do to fix that.

You have offended me and even if it is a mistake I don’t accept your apology.

I am so angry, no way can you make it right.

I have a good mad going so leave me alone, back off.

When I have had enough , that is it, I am mad until I am done being mad.

The more I get to know some people, the more I like dogs!

I am so angry right now I could chew nails and swallow them easier than I could stand to be around them.

You should have thought first before you told me what I should do, I will do it my way if it kills me.

Look in my face, am I smiling!!

I am so angry at them, I will not forgive them even if they ask forgiveness I will not forgive them.

They can crawl on their hands and knees and repent but I will never forgive them.

My fuse is short and they know that they need to quit messing with me.

I despise being corrected about anything, if I want advice I will ask it.

I am so angry right now even if I needed the rebuke I refuse to listen to them.

I got a good mad on and I am enjoying it now leave me alone

I don’t care if I do wreck the self-esteem of that child, it is making me so angry I will not show love and tenderness that kid needs a beating and all the discipline I can muster up.

I am so mad don’t try to be nice now to me.

I will make sure they know how bad they hurt my feelings.

I will wipe that smile off their face.  And you do about every time they try to have fun or smile it gripes you.

Read my face what is it saying…..Whew I am gonna turn them every way but loose.

They don’t know mad until they meet me!!

I will sue their socks off!!

I will knock them into tomorrow!!

No matter what they are going through the done this to me and I will make them pay and pay dearly.

Maybe they will realize after I get done with them.

I got such a temper I will definitely show them, they better watch out.

I will wreck everything about them for that, they will hear from me!!

It is all about me, my, mine and I…get that straight. If I suffer everyone close to me will suffer. I will make sure of that.

I know how to handle this kid, I got it all in control, I will correct them and treat them without tenderness so they will learn their lesson.

So you think I over kill in the subject of showing how angry you are with little control or none when you are angry.

Do you even know what the fruits of the Spirit are? Do you fix anything in a compassionate way when you give in to your angry self? Do you really want to manifest what you hate most in others? If you feel misunderstood , do think you might not really understand someone else.

Life is complicated sometimes, but with some folks every time something hits them wrong they go as far as with can to show their displeasure. Yet they appear to not realize they themselves expect good treatment and nice actions. My husband preached a message that hit home to me. The title was,” You Just Don’t Get It, Do You”.

I really hunger to help those that are always angry and over board about it. Their anger is damaging just what they act like they are trying to build, whether it is a Sweet Marriage, a Wonderful Child and just adding more problems on top of what they are trying to learn to grow out of.

And while I am here make sure you aren’t adding more complex problems than you are trying to fix in your child. I pray about this so much and if there is ever a burden that is heavy for me to bear is when I notice one child receiving more harsh treatment than all the rest in a family.

It stands out to me when a person needs help with Jesus or a pill and they refuse to take care of it, they are so preoccupied with trying to fix someone else that they let their own problems go on without a change or seeking help. When we give in to anger often and easy we can kill what we think we love most.  Kill the energy that a child or family member needs to grow mentally and sometimes physically it can make a dwarf out of those around you.

As a Mom I have been blessed to have good leadership in my life. I wasn’t self made I was taught how to be tender, how to control anger, how to survive even cruel words, I am not tough, you can scare and hurt me. I never want to build such an iron gate on my mind and heart that No one can talk to me or even console me!!

Words Do Make a Difference in Success or Defeat!!

Words Do Make a Difference in Success or Defeat!!

Cadence with Papa Ballestero's Hat on!!

I hear people say I just can’t help it I was raised this way. I don’t like kids really; I don’t know why I allowed myself to have any. I am not made for kids. I only want one or two. I hate being pregnant. I can’t stand men. I hate music. I am so mad. I will get them back. I will punish them . I can’t stand them. I will not cooperate. They are not going to like it. This church is so unfriendly. I hate this town. I will give them a piece of my mind. Wait until I tell them, they will live to regret.

They just don’t seem to like anything or anyone on a consistent basis. When they talk about their children it is so negative. When they talk about their mother it is so rudely. Here is where I want to make my point for all of this I have written.

If you live your life without the Fruits of the Spirit you will be just that a Fruitless, Unhappy, dis-contented, hard to live with person. That is just why we have the Fruits of the Spirit. It is the opposite of the entire negative.

Have you ever been around someone that is blaming their actions on their mom and dad’s treatment of them? It is common knowledge that there are many who have had dreadful homes they grew up in. Where the cure is for that is inside the person himself or herself. If you find Jesus and claim to know him all that, can change for the Good. God has means full of love that can make you a positive emotionally healed person. One that others love to be around and he can help you empty out your bitterness. I have seen it over and over again . I have heard so many testimonies of folks that if you knew what they went through as a child you would not believe them if they told you.

Ainsley Marisa's baby girl with Papa Ballestero's hat

One reason that I want to write is not because I am a perfect person or the most intelligent or the most uncomplicated. I think all of us have to learn how to live in a more contented, peaceful way. As the days go by in your life you don’t keep over-riding the fruits of the spirit they are there for a reason. They bring about a more productive, peaceful way of life. Over-Riding is what keeps people stuck in hateful, rude, unhappy styles of life.

We are not going to get out of life without crying, doing without, rough times emotionally and maybe physically. Our disposition may suffer a bit, but somehow you can keep it at a minimum by not allowing yourself to give in to harsh talk, over-bearing words of defeat or dislike. When we speak harsh as a habit to our children they will repeat how they are treated. They will become what they are regularly told they are. They will be depressed and defeated a lot more than they have to be, and it will become a way of life just like yours is.

Christyana and Huntley Papa's Hat

I was taught that if you call your kids bad names and talk bad about them and they hear it, and know it, soon they will become what you call them. It is very hard to rise above what you hear, if it is harsh. You begin to believe it. The struggle of life and achievement and change becomes hard to believe you can do it. Some of the poorest families have amazed me at the happiness and easy style of life they have. I see some of them not even expecting money just doing the best they can and meeting their financial obligations and feeding their families and enjoying life besides. The ones that cherish their family and do the best they can with what they have, without feeling sorry for themselves, are easier and more fun to be around than those that have what ever they want and are never contented after all.

I have to work towards contentment and rearrange my thinking sometimes. I grew up being taught to not feel sorry for myself. Make the best with what you have and enjoy what is at your finger tips. I had nothing with held from me that I wanted if it was good for me or okay for me even. I had wishes and wants and I got many things I wished for. We did not do without. I enjoyed being a part of all girls in our home. We learned to create a home and to decorate and make things that would enhance the looks of our house.   We never felt deprived or like we were needy.  Our conversation was not constant negative talk. I want to be an encourager. I know stuff happens that is hard to deal with and we are all going to have our share. I just don’t want to live in that area any longer than I really have to. I will strive to do what I can to promote good thinking and a cheery outlook on life. God’s people should be the best people on earth. May the meditation of my heart and mind be acceptable to the Lord. If it is then I should be blessed to be stable and a strong cheerful child of God. And may my children and grandchildren be blessed with the same out look on life.

So You Want Your Children to Live for God!!

So You Want Your Children to Live For God!!

Bryan Ballestero with Huntley

When my children were born my main concern for their life was for them to serve the Lord. I learned to pray much about each one as they grew. When they were babies and started clapping their hands and they would raise their hands and pray for us it was thrilling. We had each one dedicated and made a ceremony of it. There was comfort in that for sure. We had prayer over us that God would help us raise our children in the fear of the Lord.

I found as they grew that from a baby on that babies copy what they see, and what they hear. We were blessed to have wonderful leaders and parents that honored and loved God. The Church was a wonderful place to be. It was a blessing and they not only helped teach us, but if you were someone that needed some guidance and wanted guidance it was there for you too. Some folks refuse to ask for any help or even ideas on how to do a better job. Sad because usually those that refuse help or advice need it the worse. Many times they were raised without tenderness, or they are full of bitterness and anger, and yet they are good people that part of them needs help.

Me with our first son Anthony!

First of all I found out to have good communication with your children is the best way to keep trouble at a minimum. I did not like it when children lied and Every Child has lied and tried to cover up when they were wrong. When I was a child I spoke as a child , but when I got older I put away childish things. Well hopefully you put away childish things, but some of the most severe, harsh parents make it hard on their children to grow up right because they are as much of a child emotionally as their kids are.

If you have to unmercifully whip your child what did it accomplish? My mom taught me to never be cruel because your child can never ward of your blows. If you wound your child mentally by harsh words that are making scars you are damaging their self worth, what good effect will that have?

Marty with oldest son Jeron

If their memories of home are grim, tension and harshness most of the time then they will be glad to get away.

Every home has heartaches come, disappointments, trials are going to come. The way we parents handle the hardships of life makes a huge difference in the faith of our children. Church and family life was such a stablelizing factor in my life. We did not have the gadgets, and big expensive toys as children. We had enough of what there was to have I never felt deprived, but I enjoyed the fellowship of good family, my friends past mom and dad’s approval and those times of having fun with friends meant so much. If something was planned in the youth group and I was old enough I was a part of it. I learned how to act and not act by being a part and I never was kept from church functions. Back then if I did make a mistake I was talked to and treated more like I was growing up and learning that all is part of learning and beginning of the feeling of being trusted.

The church was the center of our lives. We never went home with unbelievers for the night because we may learn to like what we got to do there better than church.  My parents might allow me to do school Spanish club or band or be on the national honor society, or study at our home with a friend from school or play outside, but to take a trip for days or stay away from home with unbelievers was not allowed. They taught me that it was too risky and I had many good relatives and friends that knew the Lord and would support me doing what would be pleasing to God and my parents.

Anthony and Carlton his oldest son.

I remember having many nice school friends that came to church or my house,  and sometimes I might go to theirs if mom knew them for a while. But I had such a good time with church family, and the few nice school friends and my own family that I felt more comfortable following the family style I had of church, school, socializing with young people that my parents approved of and they all did not have a church background, but we were taught to live so there would be a chance to win our good friends that did not know Jesus.

School is very important and I am thrilled when I see kids that do well with their education. On the other hand there are some perfectly wonderful, smart kids that do well in some subjects and have trouble with others. That was me

I sometimes didn’t want to miss school, but when tough subjects and projects were to be done I have been full of anxiety. I thought I might like to find a way out of school. My mom was my buffer, I felt like I could tell her and she would help me or something she would say would just give me the courage to calm inside and get it done and have peace enough in my mind not to hate school. It might be average or slightly above failing but hey at least I passed it. When I got in 8th grade I got better grades and felt more at ease. Then ninth grade I got better and got on the honor roll and my confidence grew. Even worked a little harder in tenth grade on subjects I disliked.  And I stayed on the honor roll most the the time through graduation.

Daddy and Bryan

Some parents continually are driving and harsh over school. Somehow that plays into other areas of our lives and even in our ability to make it a drudgery to go to church. I am not pleased in kids that feel free to be disruptive in church services or functions of school and church. I know that sometimes children do act up in church, school restaurants, etc. We don’t like it, but he without sin cast the first stone. It seems best to just deal with it  and don’t go over board .

I grew up in the church and I learned how to act and did not suffer horribly learning. My parents never took away church functions as punishment. They never grounded me or kept me away from church functions. I have seen this happen and watched the kids that were corrected in that way begin to quietly turn cold towards church and church friends and they became hardened towards the things of God.

We were corrected when it was needed and admonished, but never left with the feeling like we were hopeless or that we had done too much to be a part or to be loved. We need to train and correct and leave a feeling of hope for better actions that make things work better for not just us parents but the loved ones we want to do well. I cringe when I hear name-calling from parents and severe treatment that only seems to be a venting of anger instead of a consistent training of good living.

Marisa our daughter with first son Garrison

If you worship and are tender and respectful towards God and man more than likely your offspring will have the same desires to please God. There are always exceptions, but more than not I see Parents that love the things of God and enjoy the church family the children do.

My husband preaches about how when a parent is first feeding the baby with a spoon of food. They make sounds like yum, and lick their lips and play with the baby as they try to teach it to like eating the food. Different textures in foods for a baby start out with a little bit of struggle for the baby, but you keep trying another tiny bite and then the baby will get used to it and it will be easy for the baby to enjoy it. It is not enjoyable for the baby or those that might be watching the process if the feeder rams the spoon in the babies mouth and always gets exasperated and angry and it might even stunt the good digesting of food and happy feeling of being fed. Even though a baby eats messy and spits it out from tasting and eating baby style pretty soon the baby is reaching for the spoon itself and eating  and maybe making a mess , but soon it gets easier for him to feed himself and the mess gets less and less.

Daddy and Andy our youngest son

Serving Jesus has to be a good, wonderful and enjoyable for us to help our young grow up with the joy of serving Jesus embedded in their hearts. And even if they go astray they know that they still love the Preacher, Pastor, Mom and Dad and family of God. They know that they aren’t right, but when they live for God they want it like their mom and dad and how they were brought up.

I was brought up to be careful how you speak of the Holy Ghost and Good Godly people. In fact I was cautioned to be careful what I said about those that were not doing right. I realize that has kept me from feeling free to just say whatever I decided to say even about those that were not right in the church. It also leaves the door to my heart open so if I am needed to show love and concern God can use me to help show Godly love and care to someone that has been wrong.

I Thank God that I never feel free to just assassinate anyone’s character. Those I have seen that feel free to destroy what is left of someone’s desire to  come to church by treating them unkind and telling them off are in trouble in their own character. God is much nicer than we ever thought of being. God Loves when we don’t love. He knows how to clean someone up from the world and make them so right that you cannot recognize how they used to be. And I have seen him do that myself. Love works wonders in the hardest situations, We are limited and we limit ourselves.

So, you want your child and family to live for God. It really works the best if you have the Fruits of the Spirit working in your life. They all point to life with Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness Faith, Meekness, and Temperance. And , If these are working in YOUR LIFE you will have much more success in convincing just by your life that Serving Jesus is the Best Thing that can ever happen.

Our Family Dec. 2009

Organize and Reorganize!!

Organize and Reorganize

That has been my motto in my life. I have come to this conclusion years ago when I had five children and more responsibilities than I knew what to do with. I have never been totally organized but I have felt so good when I did try to. What I realized was,  how much easier life is for someone that even makes a stab at being organized.

Sis Huntley, Christy, Marisa, Christyana and myself at a tea room in Raleigh, NC

Many times I memorize telephone numbers maybe after hearing them even once. I know I am amazing, right? Well, I am not 100% sure so I have made address books and list to remind me. I have learned to organize our bills and keep them in a separate folder or drawer so if my mind isn’t clear it won’t be that hard to put my hands on them. I make a list of all the account numbers, customer service numbers when they are due and how much. I do those extra things to calm my mind for those calamity days when everything hits at once and you are not prepared.

Sometimes I feel like a airhead and I hear people called airheads, no wonder. When you don’t think before you speak and you speak and blurt out just the wrong thing…it doesn’t take much of that before you feel like you are making some boo boos even with your speech. I have made a few mistakes like that, but again organizing what I am saying and why I am saying it and who it might embarrass or hurt is important.  I have embarrassed myself before and it feels awful even if I didn’t mean to say the wrong thing.

Andy and Jasmine our youngest .

I try not to be so fussy with my house that my family cannot relax because of a mess. Mess happens in a family and I will not shine my house or have a fit if something gets out of place now and then. If I lose a lot of time cleaning and being a fanatic in my house cleaning then I will see visitors and family come and go and feel a loss because my focus is what happens to my clean house. You can go too far either way. It is very uncomfortable to go to a home that is squeaky clean and they are still squeaking over how dirty their house is and you can’t even have time with them to sit and talk or have a bowl of popcorn and laugh and talk.  The type of person I have been probably doesn’t fit Organization.

Papa Ballestero and Zion, Jeron and Chloe this past summer.

I do know that when my guest get there I want to be prepared to open the door without having to say excuse my house. I have been unorganized many times and will still be unorganized I am not that great at it, but I am working on it because I like to worry less and be able to not miss out on the good feeling that comes from being as organized as possible and having time to enjoy the fun and the good moments in life that I might miss if I live in a mess.

I have seen parents look at their children and expect so much from them. They want them to do well in school and clean their rooms that are so messy that the child feels just as overwhelmed as the parents. The parents can’t cope and don’t clean things as a good example enough for the child to understand how to do it.  If it is drudgery for the parent that gives out orders and hopes for the best without showing how to organize in a nice manner then a no care attitude enters the mind.

Braden, Me and Carlton Anthony and Kim's boys!

Every kid is different, some learn quick and some learn slow. The manner in which you teach them to work under pressure may work at times, but it may also not be all that gratifying to work if it is with strong words and harsh pressure. Make work a bit of fun if possible.  Don’t expect every child or teen to be the same about work. I thought some of mine would end up never being good housekeepers. They are now that they are married and they do clean. But they have learned from me when company comes sit down and enjoy them. Don’t keep your dusting rag in your hand and sigh and scowl at every little mess that happens.

Huntley Starr Ballestero

Just like kids notebooks for school every so often as they grow older it makes it easier if they go through and organize and put in order their assignments, or class order. We teach organization from how we handle things. Like I said I Organize, then I reorganize over and over in my mind, heart, car, house, jobs, just pretty much every part there is a good feeling when you reorganize and smooth out the rough edges that leave you rattled and nervous.

If I expect my young ones to do well and think and not forget than I don’t need to push them and let myself slack. We all have our slack moments but pretty soon when we want to have a little more fun and peace we get our mind, heart, important papers, bills, food and on and on in a more neat organized fashion. I don’t say I did it all perfect, but I learned from experiences that Working at it sure helps for the peace of mind.  If you are always a last minute person and yet you like things just right and all of a sudden your time is gone and you go screeching around your house barking orders and blaming others for stuff you could have done with a better way about you, that will defeat you and you really should keep those moments down for the sake of your children’s peace of mind and your families  peace .  Work should not always be a horrible task make it rewarding all you can. Not just paying money for everything but fun can be an attitude which makes the work go faster.

We all have rushed , troubling moments, but when it becomes a way of life for us we need to reorganize and get priorities in line. I see people that never seem to get the idea of preparing ahead of time and if they did what they could they would have much more free time and more calmness’.

Garrison, Cade and Ainsley Marisa and Brandon's kids.

I used to get baby bottles ready washed and water in them ready for the formula. I would put a baggie of snacks for those moments when baby or little one might be hungry. Get the diaper bag ready a bit before. So many ways we take the drastic moments out of life.

Being a Good Steward of what you earn and keeping your tithe up to date and knowing what you owe and when. That keeps the mind more at peace. Being forgetful must not be the norm or you will suffer and peace of mind will be hard to find. We can’t expect a child to be something we are not. They learn from us. I wanted home to be a place of refuge and peace as much as possible. Time for fun and games like children love, and a house at least clean enough to be glad to let someone in. No one should expect perfect but it will seem perfect if there is good food, peaceful people that smile easy and clean enough that you can feel comfortable to eat, sleep and have fellowship.

I have been to school and Sunday School Class rooms that seemed so cluttered and like no one cared. That is a hard place to learn. I have been in homes including my own where disagreements were mounting because the mess around just added a little more fuel to the fire.

Christyana and Christian Bryan and Christy's kids

I was blessed to have a husband that never said a word about the house. I am so glad he was kind and sweet enough to realize there were times I just couldn’t keep up or didn’t feel well enough to make it neat, as it should be. There is times we can not help it , but a peanut butter sandwich in the corner for weeks could say someone really doesn’t care.

I am not comfortable when I go to a home where they act like you are going to mess up their home. Or they wipe everything as you touch it. But there is a happy medium and just an all around good feeling that comes when you know you have searched your heart, mind and soul, and you are working at having things with some order and manners .

Marty and Marisa last summer at Highlight Root Beer Stand!

You want to please your husband , God and Family and friends with just a easy , neat and sweet manner of life. Things do get in disarray, this life is fast and sometimes furious but there are always a few areas that if we take notice and smooth out the road by rearranging and try once again to have peace come back and enjoy those simple pleasures of life. I have found it to be a blessing to never give up but try again and keep up and enjoy things that are so important.

Some times it seems easier to just overlook and ignore all the things that seem so simple like they don’t matter, but in driving you have to mind the simple things like watch where you are going, turn just right, make sure baby is strapped in, stop at the light. If you don’t you will go through life and not be safe, you will be maybe not able to live through the accidents you end up in. All because you don’t take care of looking where you are going, stopping when you should, watching the gas level.

Some Organizing is a lot less trouble than not going to the trouble to Organize.  You forget less when you write down a birthday you want to remember, or keep track of the checks you write in your checkbook. This organizing is much simpler than the alternative of living sloppy and just careless with things all a mess. You will enjoy life better if you just organize and it will get unorganized that is life, just try again a reorganize. I will work at it too I assure you I like it better than when I am unorganized!!

Smile and Laugh with Every Child, and Make Your Home a Haven!!

Smile and Laugh with Every Child you have, and make your Home a Haven!!

Our Ainsley (Marisa's and Brandon's girl)

You know you love all your children and you are providing to the best of your ability for them. Father and Mother thinking of raising their children to be good citizens, good people in general doing well at their studies and making you proud. You wrestle and struggle through homework, you have a hard time managing sibling rivalry or just plan kid stuff, you make sure their teeth are taken care of and they look and smell decent. You try to teach them manners; you go to much effort to make them learn responsibility and respect. And you want them to be talented and a part of the youth group and to grow up feeling close to family and church. The one easy ingredient to add calm and spice to life is to work on your own smiles and laugh easily. So this sounds Silly well you might live a grim, life if it doesn’t come natural. Grim is not fun. God does believe in a Merry Heart. We have enough Grim moments lets make learning and living easier with more smiles. It does soften the blows of life and it crunches the harsh looks that comes from stress. We used to sing when we were small ,”Smile a While and Give Your Face a Rest.”

I knew I loved my kids yet I had this idea that they were not paying attention to how nice I was trying to bring them up. Really I was trying to be the best boss and make sure they would never embarrass themselves or me as much as possible. Sometimes you feel like no matter what you do you are serious all the time. If you don’t act and look serious you might lose ground and they might be disobedient and take over your authority and then you would be sunk.

Cade(Marisa and Brandon's Boy)

Looking around at the families that seemed the most happy and enjoying life plus doing well in responsibilities I noticed something that would help me get through with as much peace and ease as I could hope for. I went to the Bible Book Store and was looking for something that would give me some direction, I did that often without reason but I walked around and my eyes fell on the title, “Laugh With Your Teenager”.

“Laugh With Your Teenager,” that caught my eye and I picked it up and scanned through it. It sounds so simple and easy but I think I needed that too much to just ignore. We sometimes stay in a mode of correcting, frowning; making bad facial expressions towards the kid that is aggravating our life away.

We are so focused on their bad grades and they seem so unhappy and when they are happy we dislike what they are happy about. We think they are going to turn out bad and be sleeping on the street like a bum beat up and drunk all the time. Some may turn out that way. I tried my best with my kids and mistakes did happen and problems did come, but God helped me even with this one simple thought I need to create and find every chance I can to remember how much smiles relax when they are given.

I learned by scanning that one book some ideas of where smiles and laughs can lighten loads of tension and anger and disappointment.  I did buy the book and got more ideas but I couldn’t just ignore what I read it turned a light on and I found it to work.

Now as a kid I almost got spanked before and I got some hard looks because if you hurt your self or stubbed you toe I would giggle. I have giggled when I was scared and that looks insane to some folks. Oh well I laugh at different stuff than even my husband. Sometimes I can’t get a joke till later or maybe not at all, but something or someone doing something different my sisters and I look at each other without a work and laugh.

Kalyx and Jeron our oldest Grands. Anthony's Girl and Marty's Son

If we ask God to help us and we keep the Fruits of the Spirit working in our own life we will smile and laugh more. There are situations where my brain seems to shut down when things get to pressured and tense. I learn little other than your angry with me and I better listen. Those moments should be moments when they happen not hours and days of going around tense and unforgiving. If we are trying to get the best out of someone then we make it worth it to them.

What about when you have jobs your kids need to do? What are you like then because I know unless you put some fun or make it seem like it will bring some good feelings and you even make a game out of it when they are small it is a fight. I have heard some of my own girls make a fun time with what they offer if they even try to clean up. Or they make it fun as they work by at times showing them how to make their bed or where to put their dirty clothes or how they should do something in a smiling easy way. It seemed rewarding enough there wasn’t such a dread.

I can honestly say that I don’t even have the want to to walk up to someone that doesn’t smile much and talk. I have made myself do it but I love those faces better that look like they smile easy. They are all around less scary to me and even more beautiful. A smile has been a blessing to those that are less handsome and actually made them attractive.

This subject may seem so trivial but we create our own environment. I have been in homes a lot and I dread the ones that are so tense with their children and I see no kind looks at least. Every little thing that goes wrong or isn’t done is such a big thing and the kids never do anything their parents can smile about or even laugh about. Some things are kids stuff and you can laugh with your child and some mistakes are not huge moments that you need to make the whole room tense up and take notice.

Christian and Christyana(Bryan and Christy's children)

This may seem like simple stuff, but it has helped me through some tough moments. Your sure not going to get through life without crying and struggling don’t go through life without smiling and laughing it will be the glue that will make folks want to be around you. Even though hardships come and tough situations come it will ease things at times much more than a frown or more angry words and thoughts.

Maybe you are a quiet person and you don’t laugh loud and hard a quiet smile works wonders too. I have worked with more kids than just my own and found that my smile meant so much and brought me closer to them. They had walls up to others , but I could even talk to them and hear their heart when they couldn’t open up to others. They needed a relaxing smile and feeling of acceptance just like they were, to be able to even make a start at getting a change in their life or a healing for what they had been through.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the Power of a Laugh or a Smile!!

And don’t laugh more with people outside your household and forget that Your Own Loved Ones Need Laughs and Smiles the most from You.!!! Even if they seem like Silly Laughs and this goes good for Fathers and Mothers, Sisters and Brothers.!!

Love Your Strong Headed Kid!!

Jeron holding Chloe at a week old!!

Love Your Strong Headed  Kid !!

What do you do when you suddenly can no longer handle what is going on?

I wish I could answer that in a nice easy manner, but we are all different and have all kinds of our own selves to handle. I sure don’t feel like I have all the answers but I have had to handle some stuff whether I wanted to or not.

There comes a time when it no longer is profitable to sit your child in a corner. You sure make things worse when you begin to openly speak to others bad about your so-called problem kid.  By the time you get into the troubling situation where you feel you have lost control and are no longer the authority on corralling the enormous hard to deal with situation.

God has done work on me and life has also while I was agonizing and dealing with I thought more than I could bear.  I have learned so much by watching and my husband has helped to calm me with just the right words. In dealing with tough unyielding kids after they are old enough to make some decisions and live on their own I have found 1. Prayer 2. Love 3. Controlling my own thoughts and words 4. Self Control in venting and exposing how mad I am and how embarrassed I am. 5. Keep your door to your house open and your heart.

Two Great Grandmothers and a Grandma admiring Kalyx!!

Walls go up and iron bars lock gates of communication with resentment and harsh talk. You can get no where when the one you want to convince sees you care more about how you feel than how they feel. You think maybe I can ignore and shut them out they will learn, only for them to move farther away because you seem to be trying to destroy them. All the time you might be hurting and wanting the best for them but the Bible does say ,”A soft answer turns away wrath”.

I have learned to love and care for boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids that I was scared to death of. I wanted to say no, but I did not want the relationship to go under ground and be separated from our family. I have spent many a evening fellowshipping and making meals for the same right in my own home.

I have not been able to just say no like you should to drugs! I have appeared to say yes and soon with some I did begin to enjoy and love the person I thought I couldn’t. And I struggled to keep the fruits of the spirit alive. And worried but I realized that the other person begin to care about me because it was felt I cared about them. The real deal about all of this is that I felt I had to show love no matter how I felt as much or more to the other person than I did for my own child.  To control this I worried about so much, I had to first of all control myself, and how I dealt with it all.

What was a eye opener to me was I finally accepted that this person was going to be a part of our family. When I least expected it my kid did the unexpected and broke up and started dating someone else and married that someone else. I could have wasted a lot of good anger and helped to hurry the wrong ones to go ahead and marry.

We had already decided when our children found the one they thought they loved we would love who they loved no matter what. That might be a rough thought but it has brought us through still intact as a family. Maybe shook up, but we can settle back down and enjoy life again.

Anthony 2 years old with Daddy and Grandma Ballestero!!

I have strong feelings and ideas of what I want for my children. I am quietly strong about some things, and I am glad because I have not always been in charge. I just want to be able to still have influence and good fellowship with those I love and need to have some influence over.

Sometimes we have to accept and learn to be steady and well mannered ourselves for others to even want us to be a part . I want to be very careful how I treat my very own children with a pure kind and showing love no matter what. If I don’t show love then I lose my grip on how much I can be respected and needed.

It would be better even if their presence irritates you for you to make a place in your heart to work on loving them. If they marry them you haven’t lost so much and created huge memories of anger to try to erase and forget.  It is better to be slow to anger and quick to kindness. You lose less and can still be able to turn grief into joy.

Sometimes our own pride and mentality is our worst enemy. We have our own plans and now they are not going our way. We become what we hate most . Our influence is best when we are tender and show love.

God can turn your grief to joy. I have seen it happen to myself. If I would have handled it like I wanted to I would have suffered more. I am thankful for the Fruits of the Spirit.

Gum Chewing Saints!

Gum Chewing Saints!!

Bryan blowing bubbles Marisa liking that

I wish I could say this was teenagers I see chewing gum with the gusto of a hound dog all over the church. I have been amazed. I have tried to not even to be bothered by it, but they chew so big  I feel bad for the Preacher trying to preach. It looks so ill mannered and I feel like saying spit it out, show respect.

I remember seeing kids ask to spit gum out in school. You just didn’t chew gum in school and if you insisted to keep trying to you would get your name on the board. And if you kept it up you would get to stay after school.  Chewing gum seem to mean to them you weren’t paying attention. I don’t think I would even notice if there weren’t so many chewing and chewing without being modest about it. Hope you don’t smack up on food that big I am sure you would annoy your eating buddies.

In our lives we don’t want to cramp our style about much of anything or any rule. I like gum because it freshens my breath and maybe serves to occupy me as I drive.  I do like gum. I guess I been one of the lucky ones to be alerted where to chew gum and where not. My husband is an Evangelist and has been Pastor many years and gum chewers always stand out and are noticed. When they tarry for the Holy Ghost you sure hope they spit their gum out and many haven’t and I have not seen then get far until someone would hold a Kleenex out for them to spit their gum out, so they could concentrate on praying.

I can understand feeding a baby or a small child. I been in church so much with my children I have gotten through many services with keeping them quiet that way. I can understand a mint, I guess with gum the chewing and big chewing just goes on and on and on and most the time I see a disinterested look along with it.

Just something that during church is very noticeable. Preachers have just been made to get used to seeing it now, it is just normal. I just have to accept and turn my eyes and forget another rule that seemed like it really didn’t matter.