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The Responsibility of the Preacher’s Wife To Her Husband, Her Children and Her Home!!

APOSTOLIC SHEPHERDS’ CAMP

Michigan District 1981

 THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PREACHER’S WIFE TO HER HUSBAND, HER CHILDREN AND HER HOME.

 HUSBAND;

Shares in his calling

A. Affects the way she lives, how and where.

B. How much money she will have.

C. What she thinks about a great deal of the time.

D. What she and her husband will talk of most frequently.

E. How she is looked on in the Community.

 Attitude:

A. Supportive–Prov. 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish, plucketh it down with her hands.”

B Not Competitive

She works with her husband and not against him.She does not try to appear more intelligent or competent than her husband.

C. She is interested in Saving Souls and every phase of her minister husband’s ministry.

 Loyal

A. A loyal wife does not discuss her husband’s faults with others.

B. She does not contradict her husband in public. If the matter is of utmost importance, she should very courteously tell him or draw him aside.

C. She keeps her private life Private.

 Romantic

A. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Live Joyfully with the wife whom thou Lovest all the days of the Life of thy vanity, which he has given thee under the sun, all the days of vanity, for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

B. Marriage should not be just a working partnership but should have Romance in it too.

C. Times of togetherness in things like lunches, where talk is of your private feelings and not church problems. Husband should be attentive to wife’s need in her household problems. Much Resentment and lack of romance stems from the Man’s lack of concern in the things that are of great importance to the

D. Wife should respond with tenderness and pleasure to compliments given by husband and she will be the recipient of many throughout the marriage.

E. Learn to compliment your husband on attributes you appreciate in him.

Don’t let little kindnesses go unnoticed.

F. Build him up sincerely.

G. Try to say the Right Thing at the Right Time.

Prov. 25:11 Says “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

 CHILDREN

 Love

A.  A Child should be Wanted.

B.  A child is not born loving you. You teach him to love you by showing your love to him. He responds to your treatment.

C.  A child must have physical expression of love. He needs to be held and kissed. An older child needs to feel your love expressed by an embrace.

D. Don’t try to make a little one grow up too fast by taking his bottle away too early or saying that he is a big boy or big girl now and doesn’t need it. Don’t let other people pressure you in matters pertaining to your child. Usually a child will throw the bottle away when he is through with it.

When there is a new baby, a little child will want to play like he is a baby too. Don’t shame him but play along with him let him choose baby food even take a bottle. He will soon get tired of it and want to resume the stage of maturity he has reached.

 Security

A. Mother and Dad’s relationship is the big factor in this. If Mother and Dad love each other their love reaches the child and he is not frightened of his place.

B. He feels the pleasure he is bringing them.

 Discipline

A. Teach him to be honest by your honesty in example.

B. Teach him respect for Authority, Yours, the Preachers, the Law, the Teachers at Sunday School and Public or Church School.

C. Don’t undermine fathers’ authority. Differences should be reasoned out of children’s’ hearing.

D. Correction should be just that. Don’t take your frustrations out on your children and call that correction. They know the difference.

 Time

A. One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is your time. You as mother cannot tend to church affairs and neglect your children. The Bible says in Prov. 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, BUT A CHILD LEFT TO HIMSELF BRINGETH HIS MOTHER TO SHAME.”

 B.  You may not get to go every time you want to with  little ones but they should have first priority, Mothers presence in the home is vital. She cannot give them attention completely at all times, but the quantity of time is all-important.

QUALITY does not mean sitting down visiting them then taking off.  Quality is teaching them important truths, which you must have, time to teach.  You cannot make up for being gone hours and days and leaving them with sitters by coming in and out with gifts and fun times.

 C.  Listen to your child and give him privacy to ponder his thoughts. When he expresses himself you can guide his thinking.

 Good Memories

 A.  Set yourself to give your children good memories.  Don’t let them happen by accident.  Plan Birthday parties; plan activities for them to look forward to. Happy Children are usually Good Children.

Let them look forward to Christmas. Don’t emphasize material things but try to teach them to get pleasure from simple household objects.  Children have great imaginations and do not need many material things to play with.

 B.  Good food, good cooking odors in the home, relation visiting, playing with cousins.

 C.  Prayers from Dad and Mother when they are sick. Prayers and kisses for hurt fingers.

 D.  The knowledge that their parents are real Christians at home. That they believe the truth of the Bible and practice holiness.

 Home

 A.  Home is a gathering place for the Family. Here they are fed, sleep, taught what they need to know to prepare them for Life. They are taken care of and protected until they can care for themselves.

 B.  The Right Environment at home contributes more to a child’s Character and Personality than any thing else.

 C.  Children should not be ashamed of where they live. The home should be clean, with a neat yard and clean beds. They should not be afraid to bring Company into the house.

 D.  A Good home does not mean a new or pretentious home. A Good home has a Good Feeling in it. The Preacher’s wife has to entertain a lot and need not worry about beautiful furnishings if people can feel relaxed in her home.

 Laughter

 A.  The Home should have laughter and the children should feel that it is Great to Live for God.

 Hospitality

 A. Hospitality is a part of the life of a minister and his family.  Children should be taught to greet guest and welcome them to the home by their actions.

 B.  If possible a home should always have a Guest Room so the family does not have to shunt to other parts of the house to make room. A guest does not like to feel that he has taken someone ‘s room.

 Authority

 A.  Often a mother destroys the Authority of the Father in the home by making all the decisions concerning the children.

 B.  Father should be consulted on all-important decisions.

 C.  If Father is gone from the house and a need for correcting child comes up, she should take care of it and not leave it for Father when he comes home.  She undermines her own authority.  If Father is correcting, she should hold her peace. If any has a difference as to the need for the correction, it should be discussed in private.

 Meals

 A.  Children should be fed properly and at the same time. The dinner meal is usually the time when everyone is home. It should be a relaxed time with no battles fought, or church problems discussed.

 There should be no preachers children lost because home seemed to be a place of tenseness, work, worrying about those who made trouble in the church.  They must be made to see the excitement and privilege of being in a preacher’s home.

 YOU ALONE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT.

 Sis. June Starr

 

 

 

Happy Fathers Day To a Wonderful Father

Happy Fathers Day Honey

I am one of those girls that dreamed to getting married by 18 years old and having a dozen children. I did just that almost except the number of children ended up being five instead of a dozen.

Maybe that was a girls mind I had but, I was so blessed with finding the man of my dreams. He has been strong and tender all at the same time. We had four boys, Anthony, Bryan, MartynII, Andrew and one daughter, Marisa Hartzell.  The Ballestero name will go on in the Pentecostal Way.

I just have to say, Honey, You have been a strength of Stability Spiritually, strength because of the honorable way you have conducted yourself as a husband, father, Pastor, and now Evangelist, Son, Brother, Uncle. Thank you for always being so generous to our children and me with your time, love, patients, and you have helped guide the children to stay true to Jesus, his standards of living and conduct, and keep much love through it all.

I am the blessed one. This week I went to the hospital for a stone removal and now four days later I am home. I ended up with a Ventilator, and I thank the Lord you were right there.  I had the best nurse in my room all those long hours as I looked at the ceiling unable to talk. I was tied to the bed so I wouldn’t wake up and pull the ventilator out by mistake.  It felt like a brush with death unable to speak or move but somehow I relaxed and even though there was fear and tears when I could not speak I felt calm and loved.  I want to thank You for the kind of husband, and Daddy you have been. You show love and you are a builder of lives. When kids have difficulty and you could have felt angry and disturbed you have not been harsh only you had a way of tenderly reaching and holding and doing all you could to help things get better. It is no wonder you are so loved by your kids.  Thank You for being stable, sweet, loving and kind everyone doesn’t have the nice deals we have been blessed with. I Love You

Recipe of Marcia’s Gumbo

Marcia’s Gumbo Recipe

Whole Chicken or  2 lb or more of Frozen chicken breast tenders

Boiled in seasoned water with some chicken boulion and some Creole Louisiana seasoning of Tony Chachere’s then remove chicken and either debone or cut up tenders and set aside.

1 lb Eckrich Skinless Smoked Sausage

Sliced in one inch pieces or however you want to slice it.

1 chopped bell pepper

2 stalks of chopped celery

1 box of frozen sliced okra

1 bunch of green onion diced

1 stick of margarine or olive oil in skillet for sauté of vegetables and  cut up sausage.

White or brown rice

Rice after cooked is not included in pot of Gumbo.

We do rice separate. When ready to eat we put some rice in the bowl then pour the gumbo over the top and eat.

Now when you take the chicken out to debone and cut than in the large pot of soup broth you have you add your Roux and stir until mixed and no clumps unmixed with broth.

Roux can be made or bought and mixed in. I will tell you how to make that.

Roux

This is the stuff that makes it Gumbo to me. You can either buy it in Louisiana, Texas area it can come in the Jar ready made and a half jar or less added to your Broth will give it a dark soup base or there is a Powdered Roux by Zatarines that you add to soup base.

To make it homemade use Olive Oil or margarine a stick in skillet put ½ cup or more of flour and stir constantly and let it brown to a dark or golden brown. Add this to broth carefully so you don’t splatter and get burnt.

Now add sautéed vegetables, chicken and sausage to broth and let cook on low to medium heat .  Ready to eat.

Optional boil eggs a egg for each person or more. Than peel the eggs and save a couple for potatoe salad. Put the rest in the pot of gumbo. When folks get gumbo they can get a egg in their bowl of gumbo and eat it and potatoe salad along with gumbo.

My family likes it this way. You will get a taste how you like it as you go.

Potatoe Salad I boil chopped potatoes until firm but done. Then I drain and hand mash a little added a dab of onion, dab of dill relish, chopped boiled egg , a dab of Tony seasoning, and light mayonnaise and mix. Fix your bowl of Gumbo than put a spoon of potatoe salad at the side of the bowl also try a boiled egg along with that. Keep Tony Chachere’s on the table we eat it with everything.

I season what I cook but I try to never over season and it folks want it more heavily seasoned they can do it themselves. Same with File that folks add to Gumbo. I rarely add that but it is on the table for whoever wants it.

Now I know this seems lengthy but I have looked at Recipes and they list it but the way I said do it in long terms becomes easy but I didn’t want to be so brief and you be full of questions and not get the real gumbo taste.

In Gumbo most ingredients can be optional except Roux, Chicken and Sausage. If you don’t want celery or Okra fine but the rest are needed for it to be gumbo. This is the way we like it .

Roux can be bought either dry or jar by Savoy or Zatariens brand.  Or make your own when you make the Gumbo and you may like that better. Check online for those brands too.  Good Luck.

One Generation Will Commend Your Works to Another

Me and some of my wonderful grands!!

One Generation will commend your works to another.  They will tell of your mighty acts.

My memories of growing up in a Pastors Home were very warm to me.  I realized how peaceful and exciting our home was at a young age.  Being the oldest I got to help out with four younger sisters.

Mom shared with us her heritage and how her daddy was won to the Lord.   That made a huge impact on my thinking and believing of how real God was.   And how Daddy’s family came to the Lord.

I remember hearing those stories and how important it was to hear them even as a child I would feel faith build in me for others to come to the Lord.

When you had Jesus in your life that was the greatest life.  How sad we would feel for those that turned away or rejected God.

If it is good for you we can do it.  If not we are blessed that God protects us by us not being a part of something not good.   Passing on this from Generation to Generation is a Godly skill I will forever be grateful for.

Me, Jeron and Kalyx

Church was the center of our lives.   It was not a painful, unhappy experience for our family.  There were many times situations had to be handled but the cushion of love and believing in the power of the Holy Ghost and what Miracles that God can do was instilled in our minds.

Nothing Good is impossible with God.

I have five children now of which some are here today.  God has blessed us for our children to marry others that are strong in the Faith.  We now have 12 Grandchildren 14 yrs old and younger.  Nine are baptized and have received the Holy Ghost.

We know in life that raising a family in this world we need to lean on God.  We want our children to keep loving this message and then our grandchildren and on and on.

We have had a Mother that made our home a haven.   And although she helped so many others she never neglected us.  She was a mom that was there and she was loving, Godly, and unwavering in pleasing the Lord.

I want to publicly thank my Mother and call her blessed.

Three of our sons, Anthony,R, Bryan , Marty Joe , L

For being a Godly roll model.    In my eyes she was the Perfect Mother.    She guided me in my life by not only her words but her Example.   She was consistent.   We could count on her reaction to be right and that put stability in our lives.  She was a strong Pastor’s wife, a Loving Mother and a wonderful wife to our dad.

We learned to respect our dad also. We got to know that he was the main man in our world until we married. Mom taught us to be thankful because our dad worked hard everyday to support us and provide comfortable living for us.  He was so genuine in loving this one God message of living a clean Godly life separated from the world style. We were taught to still look pretty and feel clean inside and have a good time doing it.

We had fun at home and hard times came and went and we were still going on living the easy way for the Lord and under the protection of our parents. They looked out for us and yet let us be individuals and have friends . Mom knew friends mean so much to kids they really don’t do well when they feel they can have no friends. Mom taught us how to be a friend to many too. There are favorites but I wasn’t encouraged to get stuck on having one friend at a time and controlling them or letting them control me. We had fun and learned manners.

Jeremy, Hayley,Jeron, Marty

My sisters and I had sibling rivalry but and we probably hit a few times and said some harsh words , but mom allowed it to happen but not go too far. She would say that someday you will be so thankful for each other and you will love being together. I am so glad she handled us in that manner. She did not turn on any one child unless she really knew who was causing the problem.

She was a soother and I was the oldest and she respected my wishes to not have intrusion into my stuff and have to feel angry that she would not protect me from the frustration of being older and having a little privacy when I seemed to need it.

How I was raised worked so well for my happiness and so it was a pattern for my raising of my own. I was taught that certain privileges were given with age as you grew. I had to try my own wings and I always felt like they would forgive me if I made a mistake like Jesus would. I felt like it wasn’t always easy to grow up and understand every thing and they didn’t put more on me than I could bear or stand. It was a livable non-bitter way of life.

Andy our youngest and Dad

I did not have to anger and seethe inside my mind at mom and dad they cared about whether I felt well . Even when I had to have guidance it was not cruel over bearing. There fore when their grandchildren came along they did not have to see or feel heartache at how their precious grandchildren were raised. There was a bit of joy and peace that I would do as good as I could and would love and cherish my children.

Our Family 2010 All are filled with the Holy Ghost except the three youngest.

My Wonderful Other Mother Content Faith Ballestero

Chrisytana Content Named after Great Grandma Content Faith Ballestero

My Wonderful Other Mom Content Faith Ballestero

Today is a day of giving honor to Mothers. I think of my Mothers everyday of my world. I can get mighty touched at just the thought of the Mothers of my life.

When I came into the Ballestero Family I was barely 18 years old. I wasn’t ready to leave my own mom and yet I thought I was. Mom had trained me well up to the 18-year-old mark. I want to insert this right here. I learned before I got married that if I wanted a good relationship with my husbands mother than I could have it. I was blessed to get into a family that loved me and I thought they cherished me right from the beginning. I still feel cherished and I cherish Mom Ballestero.

She was a very out going take charge mom and she was very expressive and she would hug you in spite of whether you knew how to hug or not. She was kind and compassionate. She was very much in charge of having a good time and cooking big and she was the life of the party. She also seemed to read right into your eyes if you were not doing well and she would not turn her head. She would get to the bottom of it and pray with you and show so much love and affection you would feel better.

Great Grandma and Carlton Alexander Ballestero

Mom Ballestero

Mom Ballestero came from a family of eight children and she would share stories with me of most every Sunday their family would have a big family dinner and they invited their friends and bring folks home with them and they were caring Hospitable family of Gleason’s Mom was a worshiper with all of her heart. She didn’t whisper her prayers like me she prayed with fervor to the top of her voice. You just knew God answered her prayers. And today it has affected the family strong. All of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are serving God.

Mom I remember through the years all the sweet loving way you treated me . I felt like you loved me. I married your son, but knew you would get after him if you didn’t like something he did or said to me. The great thing was you didn’t have to and I have been blessed with a fun, loving Mother in Law which I hate the mother in law jokes and it is all junk to me. I have to say you were so giving, and you loved all us kids and even made favorite deserts that we loved . The food was scrumptious and you loved to cook and serve it was a happy time. You Never acted like it was a bother. It seemed to be a delight to you.

What a good Mom you were, but when the Grand babies were born you came and stayed two weeks after my momma went home and did all the cooking and house cleaning and baby caring. The homemade chicken and noodles and roast and mashed potatoes and desserts you would go all out. I was skinny when I married and I think I got on the wrong track for my body way back because you would make desserts and I would not have a taste for them. You would say oh honey try it I made it just for you. The rest of you stayed trim enough through all that but I learned just how good home made pies and cakes were not to leave out cookie bars and brownies, and home made fresh peach ice cream. It gave me a different out look on dessert.

You were far better than any hospital care.  When you came you were so good at babies and would take their bassinet into your room so we could sleep. You would take care of baby and even wrap it tight and turn it from side to side to see if it would sleep longer. Pretty soon you would bring baby to the door all wrapped tight and say softly baby is hungry. What a Mom.

Mom had a way with animals. She found this bird walking down the side walk.

What a Woman you are. I found out early in marriage how brave you are. You loved to hunt and you would tramp out into the woods with Dad Ballestero and Marty and you would go the opposite direction and sit on the stand and wait and kill what you were after. Now I tried to go one time and went back to the trailer and crawled under the covers and waited scared until you all returned. I just knew any minute a bullet would zing through the trailer and hit me. I was not used to a gun of any kind. Well I did get used to having guns safely put away in the house but not for my use.  I was proud of you when your name was draw one out of ten to get to hunt Buffalo and you did get one. You made a rug out of the hide, A lamp out of the Leg and hoof, and had the head mounted. For many years somehow I allowed that big head to be above my organ at my house in South Bend, Indiana. My own Grandma Starr wanted to play the organ but could not she couldn’t stand to play and look at the Buffalo’s head and eyes starring at her.

You were so good with animals as I was saying. I remember the Mynah bird and how well it talked…too well. Then Fee Fee the little white poodle , then dad brought a monkey home from Ohio from a children zoo. I love watching monkeys at the zoo but this one decided to bite your hand and you still cared for it. It was pretty nice other wise but that tail wrapped around my ankle and I stood still but almost came unglued before it unwrapped it’s tail. One day it came screaming at me and Marty stopped it you had a nice size cage built for it in the basement like the zoo with a little seat it could climb up and sit on. Then just a few years ago before you went to live with Nila you were living in a house in Fontana, Ca and when we came there were white rabbits, many white rabbits that were wild sleeping all around the house under bushes they found a way under your house to live. You fed them and watered them daily. There were families of them you never picked them up you had their confidence enough for them to run to the dish and wait for feedings and you talked to them. Never picking them up but they were hooked on your charm and voice and the food won them.  There were baby rabbits all over.  You had bird feeders all around and Uncle Stan came to live with you a while and he was almost ninety and he would go to the store and buy bird feeders and bird seeds by the huge bags. You would shake your head like why does he do that. I wondered if you two realized how much alike you were with animals and enjoying the birds coming by your windows to eat and the rabbits acting like dogs in the yard running around living there with confidence.

Someone said something nice to her or gave her a sweet card.

Mom and her wild rabbits that started living in her yard.

The rabbits were brave enough to come close for food.

Recent picture of Mom, Marty, Nila and Eric.

I Love the Man you raised for me to have for a husband. Wow!! He is still mannerly and seems to enjoy being that way. He Loves God and He loves the One God Apostolic Message unwavering. He Loves our children and has been a Rock to our family. He is a wonderful writer, preacher and father and I know he loves you so much. That is wonderful because he learned from you how to be kind, and considerate of me. I Love you Mom Ballestero and I hope and believe someone will read this to you.

My Mother Marian June (Starr) Davis

Mom and Me

My Mother Marian June (Starr) Davis

My Mother has been a wonderful Mom to me. She has been a mom with high calm standards of conduct no matter what the situation. I have never seen her act in a embarrassing manner anytime. She has been dedicated to raising five girls and her manner of conduct was easy to follow. She was not a harsh mom she could be firm and show her strength in such a lady like manner.

I have tried to walk in her footsteps as a mom her steps were fun, loving and tender. She was a teacher without being a bossy and  loud . If I did wrong I was never afraid to go ahead and tell her. I want her to know what I was doing and I desired her approval. I was taught in a open, kind way with a feeling of secure expectation that I would be ok and do ok no matter what.

Grandpa and Grandma Davis and Jeron at camp

I learned to love being a mother because she seemed to love being a mother. She never worried about spoiling a baby by holding it too much. She would not leave a baby crying in a room by itself with a closed door. She would cuddle and talk softly as she searched for the problem.

This has been all of my life that this care has happened. When things got tough she has not belittled me while I was growing up to this very day. She would be the buffer between me and hurts. She is still strength to me and when hard times come and low moments I have thoughts of mom and how she would care and do whatever she could to help me feel better.

Mom at the Organ

I can honestly say that sassy has never been from me. I might have not agreed with the verdict or the answer I was given, but I don’t remember ever being harsh with mom. I know most every child reaches around twelve and is full of themselves and being at a awkward hard stage usually if they will be sassy it is then for a bit, but somehow I just want to say I am a wimp when it comes to mom. I still feel like a child and always will. I am the oldest and firstborn maybe that is why. I just feel like mom does it all right. I still want to be like her even if I disagree it will pass.

Mom has a class about her that when she walks into a room she is noticed for her style and beauty. She has a good name among all that know her. Young men and women love her counsel and I have witnessed more than her own girls that have gained much wisdom for life from mom. If it is going rough for you and you are struggling to handle mom always seems to have the calmest best advice of how to handle tough situations and come out better in the end.

Mom and Daddy

Mom I love the secure, steady, calm, caring, wise way you have handled my life when you had me. That still goes on and I am over sixty now and you are over 80 and I feel the warmth of your care still helping me take care of relationships from being a mother, wife, sister, aunt, pastor’s wife, now evangelist wife, grandma and friend.

You still speak to me if I need it and I will listen and honor your advice because you have never been a loose cannon you are tender yet a straight arrow to good advice.

How could I hurt myself and others in a no care way when I have a mom like you that has been a Rock, and with tender yet firm about what is right and what will work for the best. You have made good choices in life and handled your life in a level God-fearing fashion.

Mom, Dad, Me and Alexa

Thank You for teaching me with your example how to treat my husband and my children with affection, words of affirmation, protecting them from all I could. How to never turn my head and close doors and ignore in tough times. Love and believe for the best and never belittle and rage in disappointment. You taught me how to Mother with kisses and hugs and smiles and laughter. You taught me how to serve and love first my own family and protect them and then how to serve and love others.

You have been mom to many more than just us five girls. You have been the best advice giver, you have showed some mothering to those that lacked it and to this day they still call you mom .

I Love your music, the piano and organ playing is so lovely and full chords that make you want to sing and listen long to. I still remember dad-standing smiling at you playing songs that he loved so well. He thought you could play like no other and so did I. You could figure out the key from back in the audience when some one was traveling around to find it. Dad sang in 5 and 6 # and somehow you just went to where he was fast.

Mom and Me

Just want to say I Love the Good Home you created for the 18 years I was there. And I always love to come home and couldn’t bear not to come home ever again I just loved being around you.

Love, Marcia June(Starr)Ballestero

Showing Affection and Tenderness

Showing Affection and Tenderness

Garrison and Grandma B

I grew up with affection and it didn’t stop when I was no longer a baby. All five of us were hugged, kissed, smiled at often, and we were cuddled much as babies. As we grew up I began to realize that everyone doesn’t do that as much as we do. I seen stoic, ill at ease folks that yes I believed they still loved and cared, but to physically or vocally be affectionate was such a hard thing for them.

Then I have seen those that were raised without affection that craved it so much they gave in to good judgment on their own part and over came the scare of outwardly showing of affection. They realized it was a missing ingredient in their lives and it would be awkward all their lives if they did not began to express and share the love and care they felt inside.

We have heard of test they have done on babies to see how they developed and grew for a span of time without being talked to in a smiling loving way, or cuddled and played with. They just made sure they had everything done  for them like fed them, changed them, but no affection or words of love. The babies that we cuddled and talked to grew and thrived and responded to the love they were shown. The ones that merely were taken care of without the nourishment of love and attention or touching failed to thrive.

Chloe and Marty(daddy) sweet times.

I have seen young men and women somehow fall in love and marry only to cease showing outward affection with words and tenderness. You wonder why or how did they even get together. They just exist and survive without a spark or look of happiness. They go about their duties of life and life seems like it is dull and there is a lack of luster or fun just no kind of expression of the magic of love. Even the family they raise carry on the same way of life and the part of life that should be there that makes the home and family a place that everyone likes to be it is just not there.

I am blessed to have been cuddled and to hear words of love and tenderness.

When life seemed to be rough words of encouragement came through and put the courage and sparked the fire of a fresh start again and once again I could go on. Many times we may feel awkward and needy when inside we feel like we want to be cherished and smiled at. We just were all made to be cherished and cuddled and loved. We live in a world that has many mentally sick people in it that can make you very cautious and careful and purity is important. But my heart goes out to those that crave tenderness and hugs. There is no one that can fill the emptiness like Jesus. God is the answer to those that have made bad choices of mates and have felt a longing to be really cared for but seem to keep trying to live the best way they can with someone that refuses to be affectionate and tender. Children are damaged in that area of their life when they grow up without being hugged, talk to with a tender way. Along with correction and discipline  is the balance of love that makes a kid want to do better and helps them grow into a mature wholesome person.

Ainsley and Papa Ballestero

Purity is so important and it gives much magic to new relationships. It makes you notice the wholesome clean types of relationships that leave you feeling good inside. When I think of the Fruits of The Spirit in our lives working as they should I think how balanced and caring we can be no matter whether we were brought up with tenderness or wholesomeness we all lack so much without it. We can have it. It is self destruction to refuse to be healed and changed for the benefit of our loved ones and those we need to take care of.

God will heal and give us fresh starts in areas that we need to make a change and be forgiven. We can love and be loved in a world that has distorted what love is and God can heal damaged lives and make them a new.

When you are raising a family how much easier it is to learn in school when you have tender love and care. If a child has struggles in school work and you are a perfectionist about schoolwork putting strong pressure without being thoughtful and helping in a gentle way makes learning harder. A mixture of tenderness and firm discipline is much more successful in the long run than just steady harsh discipline without the oil of love to keep it working properly.

You might be trying to make sure that a child does everything right and be about as messed up yourself and you have no give for the child and yet their example of you is a hard one to follow. You are breaking rules , and talking ways you don’t want them to talk, yet you insist on being unmerciful to them for kid stuff and kid mistakes. There is nothing that works to make a child end up with less scars and more balanced than the mixture of affection, love, words of affirmation, and discipline.

I looked at a young lady that I love very much and was surprised that I said what I said to her. It was hard to say it but I wanted to say it because I noticed she was treating one child that was  not hers yet with very little kindness in words. The child was a needy child she said. She was going to help fix this little girl and make her better. The child was not wild she told me she was a four year old but really a seven or eight year old. I saw her focus in on her and not be too bothered about the other two children who were in her care. She is about to marry this little girls father. I noticed her consistent focus of discipline on this one. I said , “Be a good tender mom, don’t be a step mom.” Something about that word Step has a sting to many a child that ended up being mistreated.

Grandma Ballestero and Kalyx

I know that your very own mom and dad can be not tender and affectionate. There is just a extra sting along with the regular sting that comes when you see a step parent be harsh and not kind and giving to a child. The children have to take the blows of life that come their way and have not way of fighting back. If they get put to bed while the other kids stay up and eat cake they just grow up warped in that area empty inside and longing for the dream momma or daddy they never had that would cherish and hug them.

Don’t let it be awkward to be affectionate with your family with words and hugs. It is the oil that keeps things still turning and working when the hard times come. It can give hope to the hopeless and keeps things going in the right direction. If you learn to be affectionate and some do need to learn to not forget they may not feel like affection and it might not be easy at first to say those words of affirmation but who you live with may need them to make it through life without be empty and twisted.

Us

Leave Me Alone I Got a Good Mad On And I Like It!!

Aunt Jasmine and unhappy Ainsley

I Got A Good Mad Going Now, So Back Off!!

I am so angry and there is nothing you can do to fix that.

You have offended me and even if it is a mistake I don’t accept your apology.

I am so angry, no way can you make it right.

I have a good mad going so leave me alone, back off.

When I have had enough , that is it, I am mad until I am done being mad.

The more I get to know some people, the more I like dogs!

I am so angry right now I could chew nails and swallow them easier than I could stand to be around them.

You should have thought first before you told me what I should do, I will do it my way if it kills me.

Look in my face, am I smiling!!

I am so angry at them, I will not forgive them even if they ask forgiveness I will not forgive them.

They can crawl on their hands and knees and repent but I will never forgive them.

My fuse is short and they know that they need to quit messing with me.

I despise being corrected about anything, if I want advice I will ask it.

I am so angry right now even if I needed the rebuke I refuse to listen to them.

I got a good mad on and I am enjoying it now leave me alone

I don’t care if I do wreck the self-esteem of that child, it is making me so angry I will not show love and tenderness that kid needs a beating and all the discipline I can muster up.

I am so mad don’t try to be nice now to me.

I will make sure they know how bad they hurt my feelings.

I will wipe that smile off their face.  And you do about every time they try to have fun or smile it gripes you.

Read my face what is it saying…..Whew I am gonna turn them every way but loose.

They don’t know mad until they meet me!!

I will sue their socks off!!

I will knock them into tomorrow!!

No matter what they are going through the done this to me and I will make them pay and pay dearly.

Maybe they will realize after I get done with them.

I got such a temper I will definitely show them, they better watch out.

I will wreck everything about them for that, they will hear from me!!

It is all about me, my, mine and I…get that straight. If I suffer everyone close to me will suffer. I will make sure of that.

I know how to handle this kid, I got it all in control, I will correct them and treat them without tenderness so they will learn their lesson.

So you think I over kill in the subject of showing how angry you are with little control or none when you are angry.

Do you even know what the fruits of the Spirit are? Do you fix anything in a compassionate way when you give in to your angry self? Do you really want to manifest what you hate most in others? If you feel misunderstood , do think you might not really understand someone else.

Life is complicated sometimes, but with some folks every time something hits them wrong they go as far as with can to show their displeasure. Yet they appear to not realize they themselves expect good treatment and nice actions. My husband preached a message that hit home to me. The title was,” You Just Don’t Get It, Do You”.

I really hunger to help those that are always angry and over board about it. Their anger is damaging just what they act like they are trying to build, whether it is a Sweet Marriage, a Wonderful Child and just adding more problems on top of what they are trying to learn to grow out of.

And while I am here make sure you aren’t adding more complex problems than you are trying to fix in your child. I pray about this so much and if there is ever a burden that is heavy for me to bear is when I notice one child receiving more harsh treatment than all the rest in a family.

It stands out to me when a person needs help with Jesus or a pill and they refuse to take care of it, they are so preoccupied with trying to fix someone else that they let their own problems go on without a change or seeking help. When we give in to anger often and easy we can kill what we think we love most.  Kill the energy that a child or family member needs to grow mentally and sometimes physically it can make a dwarf out of those around you.

As a Mom I have been blessed to have good leadership in my life. I wasn’t self made I was taught how to be tender, how to control anger, how to survive even cruel words, I am not tough, you can scare and hurt me. I never want to build such an iron gate on my mind and heart that No one can talk to me or even console me!!



Words Do Make a Difference in Success or Defeat!!

Words Do Make a Difference in Success or Defeat!!

Cadence with Papa Ballestero's Hat on!!

I hear people say I just can’t help it I was raised this way. I don’t like kids really; I don’t know why I allowed myself to have any. I am not made for kids. I only want one or two. I hate being pregnant. I can’t stand men. I hate music. I am so mad. I will get them back. I will punish them . I can’t stand them. I will not cooperate. They are not going to like it. This church is so unfriendly. I hate this town. I will give them a piece of my mind. Wait until I tell them, they will live to regret.

They just don’t seem to like anything or anyone on a consistent basis. When they talk about their children it is so negative. When they talk about their mother it is so rudely. Here is where I want to make my point for all of this I have written.

If you live your life without the Fruits of the Spirit you will be just that a Fruitless, Unhappy, dis-contented, hard to live with person. That is just why we have the Fruits of the Spirit. It is the opposite of the entire negative.

Have you ever been around someone that is blaming their actions on their mom and dad’s treatment of them? It is common knowledge that there are many who have had dreadful homes they grew up in. Where the cure is for that is inside the person himself or herself. If you find Jesus and claim to know him all that, can change for the Good. God has means full of love that can make you a positive emotionally healed person. One that others love to be around and he can help you empty out your bitterness. I have seen it over and over again . I have heard so many testimonies of folks that if you knew what they went through as a child you would not believe them if they told you.

Ainsley Marisa's baby girl with Papa Ballestero's hat

One reason that I want to write is not because I am a perfect person or the most intelligent or the most uncomplicated. I think all of us have to learn how to live in a more contented, peaceful way. As the days go by in your life you don’t keep over-riding the fruits of the spirit they are there for a reason. They bring about a more productive, peaceful way of life. Over-Riding is what keeps people stuck in hateful, rude, unhappy styles of life.

We are not going to get out of life without crying, doing without, rough times emotionally and maybe physically. Our disposition may suffer a bit, but somehow you can keep it at a minimum by not allowing yourself to give in to harsh talk, over-bearing words of defeat or dislike. When we speak harsh as a habit to our children they will repeat how they are treated. They will become what they are regularly told they are. They will be depressed and defeated a lot more than they have to be, and it will become a way of life just like yours is.

Christyana and Huntley Papa's Hat

I was taught that if you call your kids bad names and talk bad about them and they hear it, and know it, soon they will become what you call them. It is very hard to rise above what you hear, if it is harsh. You begin to believe it. The struggle of life and achievement and change becomes hard to believe you can do it. Some of the poorest families have amazed me at the happiness and easy style of life they have. I see some of them not even expecting money just doing the best they can and meeting their financial obligations and feeding their families and enjoying life besides. The ones that cherish their family and do the best they can with what they have, without feeling sorry for themselves, are easier and more fun to be around than those that have what ever they want and are never contented after all.

I have to work towards contentment and rearrange my thinking sometimes. I grew up being taught to not feel sorry for myself. Make the best with what you have and enjoy what is at your finger tips. I had nothing with held from me that I wanted if it was good for me or okay for me even. I had wishes and wants and I got many things I wished for. We did not do without. I enjoyed being a part of all girls in our home. We learned to create a home and to decorate and make things that would enhance the looks of our house.   We never felt deprived or like we were needy.  Our conversation was not constant negative talk. I want to be an encourager. I know stuff happens that is hard to deal with and we are all going to have our share. I just don’t want to live in that area any longer than I really have to. I will strive to do what I can to promote good thinking and a cheery outlook on life. God’s people should be the best people on earth. May the meditation of my heart and mind be acceptable to the Lord. If it is then I should be blessed to be stable and a strong cheerful child of God. And may my children and grandchildren be blessed with the same out look on life.

Smile and Laugh with Every Child, and Make Your Home a Haven!!

Smile and Laugh with Every Child you have, and make your Home a Haven!!

Our Ainsley (Marisa's and Brandon's girl)

You know you love all your children and you are providing to the best of your ability for them. Father and Mother thinking of raising their children to be good citizens, good people in general doing well at their studies and making you proud. You wrestle and struggle through homework, you have a hard time managing sibling rivalry or just plan kid stuff, you make sure their teeth are taken care of and they look and smell decent. You try to teach them manners; you go to much effort to make them learn responsibility and respect. And you want them to be talented and a part of the youth group and to grow up feeling close to family and church. The one easy ingredient to add calm and spice to life is to work on your own smiles and laugh easily. So this sounds Silly well you might live a grim, life if it doesn’t come natural. Grim is not fun. God does believe in a Merry Heart. We have enough Grim moments lets make learning and living easier with more smiles. It does soften the blows of life and it crunches the harsh looks that comes from stress. We used to sing when we were small ,”Smile a While and Give Your Face a Rest.”

I knew I loved my kids yet I had this idea that they were not paying attention to how nice I was trying to bring them up. Really I was trying to be the best boss and make sure they would never embarrass themselves or me as much as possible. Sometimes you feel like no matter what you do you are serious all the time. If you don’t act and look serious you might lose ground and they might be disobedient and take over your authority and then you would be sunk.

Cade(Marisa and Brandon's Boy)

Looking around at the families that seemed the most happy and enjoying life plus doing well in responsibilities I noticed something that would help me get through with as much peace and ease as I could hope for. I went to the Bible Book Store and was looking for something that would give me some direction, I did that often without reason but I walked around and my eyes fell on the title, “Laugh With Your Teenager”.

“Laugh With Your Teenager,” that caught my eye and I picked it up and scanned through it. It sounds so simple and easy but I think I needed that too much to just ignore. We sometimes stay in a mode of correcting, frowning; making bad facial expressions towards the kid that is aggravating our life away.

We are so focused on their bad grades and they seem so unhappy and when they are happy we dislike what they are happy about. We think they are going to turn out bad and be sleeping on the street like a bum beat up and drunk all the time. Some may turn out that way. I tried my best with my kids and mistakes did happen and problems did come, but God helped me even with this one simple thought I need to create and find every chance I can to remember how much smiles relax when they are given.

I learned by scanning that one book some ideas of where smiles and laughs can lighten loads of tension and anger and disappointment.  I did buy the book and got more ideas but I couldn’t just ignore what I read it turned a light on and I found it to work.

Now as a kid I almost got spanked before and I got some hard looks because if you hurt your self or stubbed you toe I would giggle. I have giggled when I was scared and that looks insane to some folks. Oh well I laugh at different stuff than even my husband. Sometimes I can’t get a joke till later or maybe not at all, but something or someone doing something different my sisters and I look at each other without a work and laugh.

Kalyx and Jeron our oldest Grands. Anthony's Girl and Marty's Son

If we ask God to help us and we keep the Fruits of the Spirit working in our own life we will smile and laugh more. There are situations where my brain seems to shut down when things get to pressured and tense. I learn little other than your angry with me and I better listen. Those moments should be moments when they happen not hours and days of going around tense and unforgiving. If we are trying to get the best out of someone then we make it worth it to them.

What about when you have jobs your kids need to do? What are you like then because I know unless you put some fun or make it seem like it will bring some good feelings and you even make a game out of it when they are small it is a fight. I have heard some of my own girls make a fun time with what they offer if they even try to clean up. Or they make it fun as they work by at times showing them how to make their bed or where to put their dirty clothes or how they should do something in a smiling easy way. It seemed rewarding enough there wasn’t such a dread.

I can honestly say that I don’t even have the want to to walk up to someone that doesn’t smile much and talk. I have made myself do it but I love those faces better that look like they smile easy. They are all around less scary to me and even more beautiful. A smile has been a blessing to those that are less handsome and actually made them attractive.

This subject may seem so trivial but we create our own environment. I have been in homes a lot and I dread the ones that are so tense with their children and I see no kind looks at least. Every little thing that goes wrong or isn’t done is such a big thing and the kids never do anything their parents can smile about or even laugh about. Some things are kids stuff and you can laugh with your child and some mistakes are not huge moments that you need to make the whole room tense up and take notice.

Christian and Christyana(Bryan and Christy's children)

This may seem like simple stuff, but it has helped me through some tough moments. Your sure not going to get through life without crying and struggling don’t go through life without smiling and laughing it will be the glue that will make folks want to be around you. Even though hardships come and tough situations come it will ease things at times much more than a frown or more angry words and thoughts.

Maybe you are a quiet person and you don’t laugh loud and hard a quiet smile works wonders too. I have worked with more kids than just my own and found that my smile meant so much and brought me closer to them. They had walls up to others , but I could even talk to them and hear their heart when they couldn’t open up to others. They needed a relaxing smile and feeling of acceptance just like they were, to be able to even make a start at getting a change in their life or a healing for what they had been through.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the Power of a Laugh or a Smile!!

And don’t laugh more with people outside your household and forget that Your Own Loved Ones Need Laughs and Smiles the most from You.!!! Even if they seem like Silly Laughs and this goes good for Fathers and Mothers, Sisters and Brothers.!!